New Year’s Resolutions – from the Inside Out
For a few years, I’ve not been one for setting New Year’s Resolutions.
Quite simply put, if there was a change I wanted to make, I’d just get on and make it, rather than wait for the “right time” to do so. It just happened naturally, rather than feeling like an effort that I need extra will power and a point in time to begin. I curiously watched those who did take the approach of setting goals and resolutions in the New Year. It often appeared that many of the people who took these approach seemed to be quite limited in their success. Why was this the case? It seemed to me that people who weren’t “successful” were doing what they thought they should do, which felt like a struggle – rather than something they were genuinely interested in pursuing. The deeper my understanding on the 3 Principles has got on this, the more I realise that making resolutions is something of a fallacy anyway.
One of the problems is in what it suggests. The very notion that at the beginning of the year we should resolve to be better and do better, suggests that we are in some way not good enough, and that we require change in order to be enough. Not putting in enough effort with our business, not fit enough, not eating the ‘right’ things, not as good a boss, or a friend, or a parents as we thought we should be. Just not enough.
We perceive this not enoughness when we look for how we can improve. We believe (subtly) that we are not enough to be worthy. To be acceptable, to be deserving of praise and love. It’s this idea in itself that dooms us to ‘failure’ because when we try to make a change with a belief that we are not enough already, we are buying in to a misunderstanding of who and what we really are. We are creating a bigger picture of ‘not enough-ness’. We are adding thought to an idea we have of ourselves being not enough, which is already created with thought to begin with.
Let me take this back a step to clarify. We are all, without exception, enough. We already have everything that we need within. We know this deep down, but we’ve forgotten it, as we’ve had a lifetime of programming teaching us otherwise. But when someone shows us love, the part of us that knows inherently that we are loveable and that there is absolutely nothing that we need to do differently to be so – wakes up. It’s that feeling, that connects us with the truth of who we already are. We are perfection. It’s our inner soul, the truth of who we really are that we connect with. There are many different ways of describing what this part of us is… I don’t want to confuse the issue with words, I just know that you know, deep down somewhere, what I am referring to. You knew this part of you very well when you were a child. You may have covered it over with beliefs about who you should be by now, but that part of you is still there.
If we step away from this truth and look at the world of “I need to be more this and that in order to feel good” we are missing the point. Why is this a problem? Well it means that we are believing that if we make changes externally, it will make us feel better internally. But it doesn’t work that way. Our feelings and experience always comes from the inside. If we are looking outside at ourselves, or our behaviour and making decisions from a position of perceiving lack, we are looking in the wrong direction (externally), so at best our actions will be fruitless. At worst they will take us deeper into the concept that we are not enough.
However if we operated from a place of knowing that there is nothing we could possible do or change which would make us any better than the perfection that we already have – we are looking towards truth. We are looking inwards to the source. And when we look inwards towards truth we create space for new insights, realisations and ideas to come to the surface. We feel good about them, they happen effortlessly. Our behaviour changes, we are productive. We are open to unlimited possibilities of where we can head with this security of knowing that we can never not be enough. It’s not a decision or a resolution. It’s a joyful exploration, rather than a to-do list of shoulds.
Go with what feels good, rather than what feels should
My favourite expression at the moment is to encourage people to “Go with what feels good, rather than what feels should”. If it feels good to make a decision and it’s effortless – you’re heading in the right direction.
Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!