Not all coaching is created equal.

The path into using a coach goes a little bit like this:

You feel that something is missing.  You feel that something isn’t quite right.  You feel that in some way your life, or your business or your job needs to be, in some way, better.  Or perhaps you think you need a partner, or you need your partner to behave better or anything along those lines.  There is some kind of sense of lack, and it’s that sense of lack that draws you to seek out a coach.

So how do you decide which coach is right for you?

Well, it really depends on who is asking – whether it’s the completely unsatisfiable ego that will always have that sense of lack.  Yes, okay maybe it will have moments of temporary happiness when it briefly ceases seeking, on the achievement of that thing you think you need.  But the ego thrives on comparison, on getting things right, on being good enough.  So it won’t stay satisfied for long.

So, you go to a coach because you have a sense of lack and you don’t want that sense of lack anymore.  Do you want a coach who is going to teach you about that sense of lack?  To help you to know what that sense of lack is really telling you, and how you can look in a different direction, so you have an entirely different understanding of what is the “best” that you could get out of life?

OR do you go to a coach who will buy into that sense of lack with you?  Who will agree that you’re right that something is missing and will then make it their mission to help you to find what that is and help you to achieve it?  Now, I can absolutely see that the second option is incredibly appealing.  I have been caught in that trap in the past!  It’s easy to fall for it.  Our ego is in our ears daily (and for some people who’s thoughts keep them awake, night too) that we need xyz to be okay.  So if there is somebody who is promising to help you (or even is successfully helping you already) to find that thing then, of course, you’re going to want to explore that.  And it’s not for me to tell you not to.

What if you’ve already explored that?  Let’s say you’ve already pursued your purpose and you still have a sense of lack.  Let’s say you worked out what you were meant to be doing and you successfully got there (if you didn’t get there, this next part is just as important), but that sense of lack popped back up again (or never retreated in the first place), then what?  Well let me tell you, you’re one of the lucky ones.  If you’re starting to get a sense of knowing that ‘filling in gaps of lack’ isn’t working when it comes to finding lasting happiness (because your ego will never tire of finding more things for you to lack), you’re open to looking at something different.

So when somebody wants change – perhaps they are wanting a different job, maybe they want to overcome a fear of something, they want to grow their business, or whatever… they can look to something different.  They can look to a coach who will help them make sure that they know where well-being, lasting peace, happiness and contentment actually come from.  Then that way they are free to pursue those things, but without the misplaced idea that they are going to bring lasting happiness.  Because it just doesn’t work that way (fortunately – it’s actually much easier than that).  And if you know that you are in the lucky few.

The lucky few start being guided to look in a different direction.  They start looking within.  Looking to a different understanding of who we are.  Looking to the source of all peace, all happiness – and it doesn’t require any kind of struggle or strife to find it.   And once this need to fill the apparent gaps has gone, their actions become freer.  They become more authentic.  Less fearful. More inspired.  So funnily enough, they’re more inclined to take the actions that may get them to the goal.  Safe in the knowledge that they/you/we don’t need to get there.  Because we are already whole, already complete.

That’s the type of coach I am.  The coach who will point you to that.  Not all coaching is created equal.