Butterfly Effect Coaching https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk Butterfly Effect Coaching is a Business Coach, provides Executive Coaching and Personal Coaching Tue, 20 Feb 2018 07:30:25 +0000 en-GB hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.8.5 Is there such a thing as a regrettable business decision? https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/regrettable-business-decision Mon, 19 Feb 2018 14:48:09 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2399 The post Is there such a thing as a regrettable business decision? appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

]]>

It certainly can feel like there is, but I’d like to challenge this notion in this post…

I’m going to start this post on regrettable business decisions with an assumption.  With the assumption that when you make decisions in your business, more often than not it looks to you like you made a choice.  Would you agree?  I say more often than not because I’m sure that there will be times when things happen in the moment, and are more of an impulse than something that you’ve mulled over before acting?

So what if I was to suggest to you that you don’t have a choice over whether you act on impulse of mull something over?  Can you see any truth in that?  So I’m encouraging you to consider that when something feels instinctive you do it, and when it doesn’t you don’t.  But you don’t get to choose what feels instinctive or not, do you?

Also I would like you to consider the possibility that you couldn’t have made a different decision than the one you did make, at the time that you mulled it over.  You only made the decision that you made as a result of the thoughts that came into your mind as you mulled it over, and how you felt at the time.  But did you actually have any control over what thoughts came into your mind, and how you felt?  I would argue that you didn’t.

regrettable business decision

So if everything that I’ve said so far makes sense to you, then it would perhaps also make sense to you to suggest that you couldn’t have made an alternative decision to the one that you made.  Can you see the truth in that?  So if that is true, then how could you possibly regret any of the business decisions that you’ve made?  You didn’t actually make them!

I can remember my Dad explaining something along these lines to me when I was a young girl.  It sounded like nonsense, yet also like one of the truest truths I’d ever heard!  Why is this?!  Well the ego doesn’t like the idea that you don’t actually make decisions.  The ego is sold on the personal.  On being right.  So the ego provides the resistance to this notion.  The part of you that is beyond the ego sees the truth.  Feels that there is definitely something in this.  Don’t worry about what your ego thinks!  Keep reading…

So let’s take this notion of regrettable business decisions one step further.

The idea that you could have made a decision in business which you regret implies that the outcome was all wrong.  Right and wrong are only judgements, and judgements in time for that matter.  Did you know that the invention of stainless steel was an accident?  The product was originally thrown in the skip as the wrong outcome.  However months later when it hadn’t rusted, it’s incredible value was seen.  Is it possible that every business decision that gets made has value?  No matter how much of an epic failure it may have appeared to have been.  Or how much money it may have cost…

Did you know that WD40 is thus called because the first 39 attempts were unsuccessful…?

Sure you can tell yourselves a story around what that ‘failure’ means about you, and your worth, and whether you’re okay or not.  But the truth is, all of that story is made up.  You know deep down that you are okay and you are worthy.  However the outcome manifests.  You only feel bad/feel regret when you are believing otherwise.  This feeling is your clue that you are resisting what’s true.  A knowing that there is never anything to regret.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

The post Is there such a thing as a regrettable business decision? appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

]]>
Where does stress really come from? https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/stress-really-come Tue, 06 Feb 2018 18:22:10 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2374 The post Where does stress really come from? appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

]]>

Let’s go on an adventure to understand what stress really is…

Stress is a feeling.  A feeling that comes from thought.  That’s it.

However…!

It looks to us, as we go around living our human lives, working in our human jobs, trying to meet the requirements that we believe exist for us day to day… that the feeling of stress comes from what’s around us.  From having too much to do.  From being under pressure.  From being responsible.  From not having enough hours in the day.  It looks very much like that doesn’t it?

Well it does if we take our experience at face value…

In fact there is a lot of advice about how to avoid stress in the workplace, how to have a good work/life balance so that you don’t get too stressed.  The benefits of yoga or meditation to counteract the stresses that come from our 21st century lifestyles.  Even what foods to avoid if we don’t want to feel too stressed.

I’d like to propose an alternative point of view for your consideration.  The one I started with, which is that stress is a feeling.  A feeling that comes from thought.  I’d like to go even further to say that it’s a perfectly normal feeling.  It’s a feeling that we experience when we get jammed up in a state of busy human mind, trying to work things out, make things better.

Grinding, grinding.  Resisting…

stressed business man

When we are doing this, we forget that we are actually perfectly okay.  That none of the scenarios that cloud our minds can actually do anything to hurt us.  It just looks like they can.  The scenarios, like the stress, are part of our perception.  And actually, the feeling of stress is our body’s way of letting us know that we have forgotten that we are okay.  That we are looking in the direction that we need to control external circumstances in order to be okay, and that just isn’t true.  The pain of this feeling lets us know that it’s time to stop looking in that direction and believing that we are not okay.  Just like if you touch a hot stove, the pain lets you know to stop touching the hot stove.

When we remember this, we can be grateful to the feeling of stress for having alerted us to the fact that we’d got off track.  Soon we will be seeing things differently and remembering that we are okay.  We’ll be feeling great, but without any external circumstances having changed.  This is the psychological immune system at work.  Let it do its magic and you’ll get better.  Work harder and harder on changing things so that you don’t experience stress anymore, and you’ll stay in the jammed up state of mind for longer.

Thanks for reading.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

The post Where does stress really come from? appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

]]>
How helpful is it to tell someone to take responsibility for their life? https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/helpful-tell-someone-take-responsibility-life Sat, 27 Jan 2018 16:08:53 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2328 The post How helpful is it to tell someone to take responsibility for their life? appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

]]>

“The most empowering thing that you can do is take responsibility for your own life”

These are the words of someone that I recently stumbled across on Facebook.  As a statement, this sounds quite positive and like it’s pointing in a good direction, right?  Well I’m not so sure.  In fact, slight alarm bells rang for me when I read it.  The reason I’m not so sure is because it is open to interpretation which could send the reader off in an unhelpful direction.  Here’s how I’d say it:

“One of the most empowering things you can do is realise that your happiness/life experience has nothing to do with external circumstances and everything to do with what is being projected from In to Out”.

Okay this doesn’t sound as straightforward or inspiring as the first statement. If anything it sounds rather cumbersome, but this why I’d choose to say it this way:

  • You do not have absolute control over your life
  • Believing that external circumstances and people have the ability to affect you is not helpful

Now I know that the orignial statement did not explicitly suggest that anybody does have control of their life, OR that external circumstances do affect you – but I can imagine that a large percentage of people would read that message in between the words.  I want to address my above two points individually to clarify what I mean.

You do not have absolute control over your life

To me, pointing people in the direction of taking responsibility for their life infers that it’s up to them to change the circumstances of it.  In some cases that will be very difficult or impossible.  If that’s the case then “take responsibility” kinda starts to sound like “take the blame” and that doesn’t feel good.  It’s definitely not empowering to believe that you are to blame for the circumstances of your life. Everything that you have done, you have done innocently in the moment that you were experiencing at that time.  That’s all we ever can do.  Sometimes we are experiencing (and believing) thoughts of all the reasons that we can’t do xyz thing which we later have thoughts of regret for not having done!  But at the time of experiencing those thoughts about why we couldn’t do it, it felt so real!

Suggesting that people take responsibility/control also implies that there is a right way and a wrong way of living, and you’re either getting it right or wrong.  Life happens.  If we were to consider for a minute that all of it is of value and all of it is out of our control, then we would be left with how we perceive it – being the only thing that determines our experience, nothing else.

Take responsibility

The misleading direction we get pointed in…

It’s so clear to me now that it’s our perception that creates our reality.  It’s hugely freeing to have this change in understanding.  It can’t work any other way. We are viewing life through a lens, which is clouded with thoughts, beliefs, conditioning and so on.  We cannot experience anything without that interpretation.

Believing external circumstances and people can affect you is not helpful

Without this understand “taking responsibility for your life” looks like walking away from people who aren’t behaving the way you want them to.  It looks like leaving your job, working really hard at things, beating yourself up if you’re not doing well enough. When we understand that we are looking through a lens we can see life rather differently.  Suddenly we can acknowledge that the partner is only bothering us a small percentage of the time, and actually at the time that EVERYTHING is bothering us, so maybe it’s not the partner.  Maybe later we’ll look at them with love and compassion and understand things differently.  Our job might look different too, or the reason we think we can’t leave our job might look different, so maybe you WILL make some changes – if it feels good to.  But you’ll make these changes with the understanding that these circumstances aren’t what creates our experience.

Most importantly, we realise that something only isn’t good if we think it isn’t. So we are only ‘not doing well enough’ in our misguided thought/belief that we are having at that time.  The next minute we could be really happy with how we are doing, but without anything changing.  So how helpful would all the change and hard work have been if we’re not understanding our own perceptual lens?  If we’re not allowing our experience to move through from feeling bad to feeling good, because we’re so busy believing that we need to change our circumstances in order to be happy. If that was the case, when would it end?  There would always be one more thing we’d look at that needs to be ‘better’ if we keep buying into the illusion that taking responsibility means making life situation changes.

In my mind, the most empowering thing that any individual can do is learn that we don’t need to believe or trust any thought. Least of all those we are thinking when we feel bad.  Feeling ‘bad’ is a sure sign that our perceptual lens is clouded and we’re not seeing the perfection of life exactly as it is.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

The post How helpful is it to tell someone to take responsibility for their life? appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

]]>
Time Management tactics for procrastinators (and why they don’t work) https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/time-management-tactics-procrastinators-dont-work Fri, 26 Jan 2018 16:25:53 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2321 The post Time Management tactics for procrastinators (and why they don’t work) appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

]]>

There are a plethora of time management tools and tactics out there, that work really well for some people…

…but adopted as a strategy for tackling procrastination and poor organisation behaviours, we are really looking at putting the cart before the horse.

What do I mean by this?

Well let’s look at what’s going on when someone is procrastinating, or working in a way that doesn’t necessarily make logical sense to the average business coach. This behaviour is a symptom that they are not currently operating in an optimal state. In other words their innate wisdom is being blocked by a head that’s full of thought. They might even be buying into ideas that are pointing them further away from their own wisdom on the most effective way to work. For example believing that the work they are about to face is difficult, or believing insecure thoughts about themselves and their abilities. Taken seriously this can be paralysing.

The content of the thought is not important though. When it comes to someone’s ability to work effectively or get caught in procrastination, it’s just the fact that they are jammed up. Being in a jammed up state means that good ideas, ideal ways of working and so forth, will not be flowing through the person in question.

 

time management tactics

If this person then comes to the conclusion that they need to deploy time management strategies while they are in that procrastination state, they are actually adding more thought. Trying to solve the problem with the same thing that caused it. They may temporary get some work done, but long term the behaviour will not improve.

So what’s the answer?

Simply understanding that you are in a state of revved up thought and not doing anything to try to change it, then gives space for your thoughts to clear and your mind to return to a state of clarity. This is the natural way that it works. We are designed to return to an equilibrium, but society teaches us that we need to work on it, to work hard and take responsibility. Believing this keeps us from our innate excellence.

time management procrastination

The mistake of using time management tactics when we’re in a jammed up state (procrastination)

A different understanding, the understanding I teach my clients, allows them to return more frequently to wellbeing. The state in which the best way forward with their work will be obvious and it will feel good. That may well include a decision to take on a tool to manage their workflow, but it will feel good, rather than ‘should’.

Sounds good and you want to explore this understanding further?

Perfect! That’s where I come in. I am a coach who works with Business owners and professionals and helps them together in touch with their own wisdom and intuition. Get in touch to find out how 121 business coaching could help you, or sign up for one of my events.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

The post Time Management tactics for procrastinators (and why they don’t work) appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

]]>
How to overcome communication barriers https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/overcome-communication-barriers Wed, 24 Jan 2018 12:42:14 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2310 The post How to overcome communication barriers appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

]]>

Whether in a work relationships or personal relationships, it is common to come up against  communication barriers but the reason that those barriers exist are different to what we might think.

If we misunderstand them, we can communicate ineffectively and that can be a hindrance to the success of a business/career and our personal relationships can be affected too.  In this article I will be addressing a different understanding around these commonly held beliefs and the strategies that people use for dealing with communication barriers.

Failure to listen (at the right time)

It takes two to have a conversation yet many people focus on getting their point across and fail to see that there may be value in what the other person has to say. It’s important to take the time to ensure that you are fully listening to them – and I don’t mean just waiting for your turn to speak!  The late Stephen R. Covey called this seeking first to understand before trying to make yourself understood.  By this he means take the time to listen to them fully, take on board all of their comments and confirm your understanding of them before making your own points.

However, don’t attempt to listen to another person when you are in a low mood.  If you are feeling agitated, but trying to listen, you will not be thinking clearly and the exercise will be fruitless at best.  Wait until your agitated/low mood passes, then you will be able to listen to the other person. This type of listening bring better quality to the conversation.  To be clear, do not try to force your mood to pass, just notice if you are in a good mood or if you feel rushed/stressed.  If the latter just apologise and say that will speak to them a little later when you are thinking more clearly.

It’s also important that, while you give them the time to be heard, you don’t get into the hole with them and agree that things are indeed terrible.  For the communication to be beneficial if you can maintain the understanding that their experience is actually neutral – it just doesn’t appear that way to them – then you won’t reinforce their beliefs that their thoughts and feelings can be attributed to specific events or circumstances.  It looks like they are, but they aren’t.

 

Communication barriers

Communication barriers between colleagues with ‘jammed up’ thinking

Believing your perspective to be right/true

As alluded to above, it is possible to have multiple different perspectives of the same circumstance and give the same situation varying levels of importance and urgency, depending on what thought is passing through you, or the other person at any given time.  We can never see the reality that another person is experiencing, but we can consider that it might well be different to our own.  If you can imagine the way that they may be seeing things, you can feel more compassion for them as a human being, you may find you get inspiration on the best way to help them. They may have a perceived problem that you can help to remove. Once the problem is alleviated, it’s another communication barrier removed.

It is however important to remember that any problems that you or the other person are perceiving are purely thought energy passing through.  I am sure that you have had times in your life where you are in a situation that you are absolutely fine with, but another person saw it as a real issue.  In that moment you can see that the circumstance isn’t the problem, it’s just thought. Understanding this takes the significance off our own perspective, removing yet another communication barrier.

 

Unfair communication barrier

Unfair treatment or communication barriers and lack of understanding?

Lack of rapport

In his book “How To Win Friends and Influence People” Dale Carnegie draws on the fact that everyone’s most important person is themselves, so suggests you talk less about you and more about your common interests with them.  He recommends that you show genuine interest in the things that are important to them.  The theory is that People like people who are like themselves and it’s natural to work on building a rapport with someone with whom you wish to communicate.  

While this may sound like truth, what I would say about this is the following:  When you feel a natural rapport with somebody you may end up noticing similarities between you rather than differences, but it’s not because of the similarities that you have the rapport.  Have you ever experiencing liking someone despite not appearing to have anything in common with them at all?  What really happens when we build a rapport/connect with someone is that we are able to identify that we are the same – because we are all the same. We are all human beings connected energetically. You can feel that connection with someone when your mind is clear and energy is flowing easily from you. (You might have noticed this as times when you feel a deep emotional response for a stranger’s story)  However, in the act of focusing on trying to build a rapport, your mind gets jammed up and that energy flows less easily.

If you don’t feel a natural rapport with someone, all that tells you is that your head is jammed up with thoughts. It will soon start allowing energy to flow again, and the rapport will develop later.  That’s fine.  You don’t need a behavioural strategy to make this happen.  You just need to be aware of where your own state of mind is.

Lack of Confidence

It’s a common belief that a lack of confidence would prevent you from communicating effectively with a person. However, all a feeling of low confidence is telling you is that your mood is currently low.  If you start trying to adopt strategies to feel more confident, you will further jam your thoughts up and feel worse.  Moving in and out of feelings of confidence is totally natural for all human beings.  All you need to know here is that you can communicate with anyone, whether you feel confident or not. The confidence has no significance in your ability to communicate.  And if you don’t feel confident, you can know that a confident feeling will return to you.

The focus on this article has been barriers to communication when it comes to significant relationships and face to face contact.  There can be communication barriers in other walks of life too, for instance when sending written communication for business, or dealing with people who being aggressive or confrontational. All of these can be understood differently when we appreciate the different “Inside-Out” understanding of the human experience.  This article has only just scratched the surface of this understanding.  There is plenty more to see.

If you would like to investigate this understanding further and how it can impact upon your business and your life,  you may be interested in 121 training/coaching with me, or my group seminars..  Click here to get in touch and find out how I can help

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

The post How to overcome communication barriers appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

]]>
What is self-doubt telling us? https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/self-doubt-telling-us Tue, 09 Jan 2018 18:44:05 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2295 The post What is self-doubt telling us? appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

]]>

Are those nagging, doubtful feelings telling you about your abilities, or something else?

What creates self doubt?

Let me start this by asking you a question…  Why do people experienced self doubt?  Is it because of:

  1. Their abilities and the circumstance in question?
  2. Their thoughts?
  3. Both?

95% of people who read this will answer “3. Both”. How do I know this? We all have a deep knowing that our thoughts affect our feelings, so when someone points to this it feels true.  Thoughts and feelings both being generated from within.  Yet it looks like our circumstances and abilities are also playing a part.  This is the illusion of the human experience and we are conditioned to believe that this is the case.  But it only happens one way.  Self doubt is created from within.  Bear with me on this…

We all know that the earth orbits the sun, don’t we?  Yet it looks like the sun orbits the earth doesn’t it?  It comes up on one side of the horizon and goes down on the other.  But if I posed the same questions, the answer cannot be ‘both’ can it?  So why would it be for the human experience?  if self doubt was from abilities/circumstance, then it would always be the same 100% of the time. Yet we could have an experience on one occasion and feel self-doubt, and on another occasion feel confident.

self doubt

What creates self doubt – thought or the circumstance?

 

What does Self Doubt mean?

The ‘problem’ (so to speak) with self doubt is that people take it seriously. They believe that their doubtful feelings are some kind of instinct warning them that they might fail, and so they really shouldn’t do the thing they are doing.  Or they really need to be careful that they don’t get found out that they aren’t actually any good at what they are doing.  Or they need to work really hard to get better at it, and apply mental techniques to overcome this feeling.  However this isn’t what self-doubt is telling them at all.  All the feeling of self doubt is doing, is alerting them to the fact that they are experiencing thought about their abilities in that moment.  The thought is neutral. It is not the truth, or relevant, it’s simply a construction from within.  It is not an instruction.

We all experience thousands of thoughts a day, many of which we dimiss as irrelevant or nonsense immediately.  Like the thought I had about which of my cousins is the most normal…. Irrelevant AND nonsense!  So I didn’t make anything of it – other than it being an interesting illustration of the fact that we have plenty of thoughts all the time that we don’t need to take seriously.  Thoughts of doubt about your ability are no more signficant that my musing on which of my cousins was the least quirky (we’re all pretty weird by the way).

All that self doubt means, is that you are thinking.  You are experiencing thought in the moment.  Your thoughts have gone a bit wayward, so the doubtful feeling is a kind message from your body to let you know that you have temporarily forgotten how able you really are.  It’s your body’s way of letting you know that you have got caught up in thought, and thus you are blocking the path of your innate ability and intelligence.

self doubt thoughts

When experiencing self-doubt, your thoughts are blocking your wisdom.

What should you do about self doubt?

Nothing.

You weren’t expecting that answer were you?  And why would you!  We exist in a society where ideas around positive thinking techniques are pervasive in the field of self help, so no doubt you were expecting me to suggest something that you need to do to change how you feel.  The truth is that the way that you feel will change on its own.  That’s how your psychological immune system works.  It’s a self correcting system.  We move from a state of being caught in thought and ‘bound up’ to a state of free flowing energy and wisdom.  Self doubt is simply telling you that you are bound up.  Caught in thought.  All you need to do is know that the system will correct itself.  If you try to do something about it, you are trying to fix what isn’t broken and you will stay in the bound-up self doubting state for longer. Affirmations do not work in the long term!

Self doubt is telling you 100% that you are thinking and 0% about your abilities.  Do nothing about it and soon enough your self doubt will have been replaced with a different experience.  The system is perfect and the problem is out of your hands.  What a relief!

Want to explore this further?

That’s what I love to hear!  I do coaching with individuals or groups on this inside out understanding.  Please get in touch to have a chat – no obligation, let’s just see how we get on.  Or you may be interested in attending one of my events.  See my Eventbrite page for what’s coming up.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

The post What is self-doubt telling us? appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

]]>
New Year’s Resolutions – from the Inside Out https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/new-years-resolutions-inside Tue, 02 Jan 2018 17:41:20 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2280 The post New Year’s Resolutions – from the Inside Out appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

]]>

For a few years, I’ve not been one for setting New Year’s Resolutions.

Quite simply put, if there was a change I wanted to make, I’d just get on and make it, rather than wait for the “right time” to do so.  It just happened naturally, rather than feeling like an effort that I need extra will power and a point in time to begin.  I curiously watched those who did take the approach of setting goals and resolutions in the New Year. It often appeared that many of the people who took these approach seemed to be quite limited in their success.  Why was this the case?  It seemed to me that people who weren’t “successful” were doing what they thought they should do, which felt like a struggle – rather than something they were genuinely interested in pursuing. The deeper my understanding on the 3 Principles has got on this, the more I realise that making resolutions is something of a fallacy anyway.

New Years Resolutions Business Goals for 2018

One of the problems is in what it suggests.  The very notion that at the beginning of the year we should resolve to be better and do better, suggests that we are in some way not good enough, and that we require change in order to be enough.  Not putting in enough effort with our business, not fit enough, not eating the ‘right’ things, not as good a boss, or a friend, or a parents as we thought we should be.  Just not enough.

Not Enough-ness

We perceive this not enoughness when we look for how we can improve. We believe (subtly) that we are not enough to be worthy. To be acceptable, to be deserving of praise and love.  It’s this idea in itself that dooms us to ‘failure’ because when we try to make a change with a belief that we are not enough already, we are buying in to a misunderstanding of who and what we really are.  We are creating a bigger picture of ‘not enough-ness’.  We are adding thought to an idea we have of ourselves being not enough, which is already created with thought to begin with.

Let me take this back a step to clarify. We are all, without exception, enough.  We already have everything that we need within. We know this deep down, but we’ve forgotten it, as we’ve had a lifetime of programming teaching us otherwise.  But when someone shows us love, the part of us that knows inherently that we are loveable and that there is absolutely nothing that we need to do differently to be so – wakes up.  It’s that feeling, that connects us with the truth of who we already are. We are perfection.  It’s our inner soul, the truth of who we really are that we connect with.  There are many different ways of describing what this part of us is…  I don’t want to confuse the issue with words, I just know that you know, deep down somewhere, what I am referring to.  You knew this part of you very well when you were a child. You may have covered it over with beliefs about who you should be by now, but that part of you is still there.

New Years resolutions for happiness

If we step away from this truth and look at the world of “I need to be more this and that in order to feel good” we are missing the point.  Why is this a problem?  Well it means that we are believing that if we make changes externally, it will make us feel better internally.  But it doesn’t work that way.  Our feelings and experience always comes from the inside.  If we are looking outside at ourselves, or our behaviour and making decisions from a position of perceiving lack, we are looking in the wrong direction (externally), so at best our actions will be fruitless.  At worst they will take us deeper into the concept that we are not enough.

However if we operated from a place of knowing that there is nothing we could possible do or change which would make us any better than the perfection that we already have – we are looking towards truth.  We are looking inwards to the source. And when we look inwards towards truth we create space for new insights, realisations and ideas to come to the surface. We feel good about them, they happen effortlessly. Our behaviour changes, we are productive. We are open to unlimited possibilities of where we can head with this security of knowing that we can never not be enough. It’s not a decision or a resolution.  It’s a joyful exploration, rather than a to-do list of shoulds. 

Go with what feels good, rather than what feels should

My favourite expression at the moment is to encourage people to “Go with what feels good, rather than what feels should”.  If it feels good to make a decision and it’s effortless – you’re heading in the right direction.

If this post has left you feeling a bit baffled, that’s cool.  I know a great coach who can help you 121 (it’s me), or you can join my seminar on Tues 30th Jan at 08.00 – 09.30.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

The post New Year’s Resolutions – from the Inside Out appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

]]>
What IS Business Success? https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/what-is-business-success Fri, 22 Dec 2017 17:41:45 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2267 The post What IS Business Success? appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

]]>

Whether you achieve business success or not depends on whether you think you have achieved business success!

Err… what are you going on about?

Let’s start by answer the first question: What IS business success?  Well… business success is:

  • An emotional experience (which can be fleeting – thus potentially unsustainable).
  • Subjective / a projection of thought.
  • A concept that we’ve made up.
  • Not going to affect who you are / bring happiness.

Still wondering what I’m going on about? I’d like you to consider the possibility that someone is only a success if their projected/perceived experience is that they are a success.  Let’s look at that for a moment.  You could have two people at exactly the same point in their business or their career, or sporting endeavours.  One of those people could experience that they have achieved success, and the other may have an entirely different perspective.  Would you agree that is possible…?

business success

What does business success look like to you?

The way it looks to me is that all of our experiences are projected from within us.  All of them.  We cannot experience something outside of our own consciousness.  So we can only experience business success directly in relation to our projection of it.  Everybody’s projection is different, and none of these projections can be stated to be right or wrong.  They simply are what they are.  So there is no official version of what ‘business success’ is.  Success is only an experience of something that you have projected from within and then created thought around it to label it as a success.  That’s it. You can measure your success against things if you like, but they are also your own projections and labels.

In the west most of us live a lifestyle that seems to centre on the idea of being ‘successful’ as being more important than anything else.  But how can that be true if success is an experience projected from within?

Why do we seek Business Success then?

Or any kind of success for that matter?  Fear… Conditioning… Habit… Belief… The idea that we’ll feel good when we get there?  An interesting study of Olympic Gold Medallists has shown that many athletes who reach that pinnacle, often do not feel as good as they thought they would.  Initial elation gives way and other feelings come in.  The same can be said of lottery winners. A year later they pretty much feel how they felt before, just with more stuff.

This is the realisation that happiness and contentment cannot come from seeking things externally.  Happiness and contentment are available from within.  They are available to everyone.  No matter how ‘successful’ or otherwise you may be in business.  Not sure what to do with this knowledge?  That’s okay.  You don’t need to do anything with it.  Want to delve deeper and get a better understanding of our states of mind and how they can impact us in business?  Then get in touch.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

The post What IS Business Success? appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

]]>
Nervous/Insecure Thinking in Business… https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/nervousinsecure-thinking-business Fri, 24 Nov 2017 17:19:14 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2229 The post Nervous/Insecure Thinking in Business… appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

]]>

…is totally normal and there’s nothing you need to do to change it.

Everybody in business experiences nervous or insecure thoughts from time to time.  Let me say that once more.  EVERYBODY in business experiences nervous/insecure thinking.

I know I have.  You know you have.  I know that my clients have (they tell me).  I’ve had lots of clients that you might assume would never get nervous/insecure – and when I’ve told people about my own thoughts of nervousness or insecurity they’ve been surprised to hear it.

Nervous insecure thinking in business

Nervousness or insecurity is not a weakness.  It’s not something that you need to stop or change.  It’s a normal function of human thinking. Our thoughts are an energy.  They change all the time.  Just like the tide, the waves, the weather – whatever.  You think of something that changes frequently… our thoughts are like that.

The problem is that we live in a world where we’re constantly seeing or hearing advice about how to get our thinking “right”.  How to get rid of nerves or insecurity.  Working on this is about as fruitful as trying to pin the waves upon the sand (to quote The Sound of Music).

Working on ourselves in this way is suggesting that there is something wrong, when there isn’t.  It’s completely normal for us to experience “good” thoughts and “bad” thoughts.  It’s whether we buy into them and give them power, or whether we see them as inconsequential as that thought we had the other day about what would happen if we put syrup in the washing machine instead of soap.

We didn’t buy into that one, take it as an instruction, or make it mean anything.  We don’t have to buy into our nervous or insecure thinking either.  These thoughts do not mean anything.  We all have an inner business expert who is always with us and can offer us advice and guidance at any time.  Even when we feel nervous or insecure.  All these thoughts are telling us is that we are human.

Nothing more.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

The post Nervous/Insecure Thinking in Business… appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

]]>
Access Your Innate Business Expertise https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/access-innate-business-expertise Fri, 24 Nov 2017 14:47:53 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2223 The post Access Your Innate Business Expertise appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

]]>

For green/social businesses to channel their inner business expert.

I have many missions in life – one of them is to see green/social companies lead the way and set the agenda for business.  I put myself at the service of these organisations.  Not to teach/show you how to be successful – something much more useful than that… To teach you that you already have access to your own inner expert.  The best bit of advice I can give anyone in business is “don’t listen to expert advice”.  Just because something has worked for someone else, doesn’t mean it will work/is right for you.

 

Innate Business Expertise

You have innate business expertise…

Your wisdom always trumps the wisdom of someone else. If you look ‘outside’ for the answer, you will miss out on your own wisdom. My job is simply to guide you into an understanding of how your experience really works, and into knowing your innate capabilities.  This understanding will help you find the resilience to deal with challenges, the empathy to deal with staff, the creativity and innovation to have ideas and solutions, the peace of mind to take necessary risks, the energy to put in the hours, the confidence to close the deals, the personal connection to create deep connections with others.

Want to find out how this works?

The best way forward is to have a chat.  Either in person, by phone or Skype.  Let me get to know you and find out more about what’s going on in your world.  Then if I think that we have a good connection and I can add value to you, I will make some suggestions of how we can work together.  Just get in touch to arrange to talk.

I can also sit on your advisory board if you’re looking for people and need to tick that box.  I’ve got some pretty great stuff to bring to that. So have you.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

The post Access Your Innate Business Expertise appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

]]>