Butterfly Effect Coaching https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk Butterfly Effect Coaching is a Business Coach, provides Executive Coaching and Personal Coaching Tue, 14 Aug 2018 13:02:23 +0000 en-GB hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.9.8 True Leadership Programme https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/true-leadership-programme Tue, 14 Aug 2018 11:54:36 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2758 The post True Leadership Programme appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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A 6 month programme bringing new meaning to the phrase “Lead from within” 

Forget theory and strategy – True Leadership comes from within.  From knowing and understanding our true nature, and acting from that place.  This 6 month programme will be delving into a more peaceful understanding of life, which when taken in deeply cannot help but have profound impacts on how we show up as leaders.  If you are interested in the spiritual, or wondering if there is something more than meets the eye in life, and you care deeply about doing the right thing by your teams, then this programme is for you.

The programme will be run as a small monthly group session in Southend.  The group sessions will be 2 hours long (on the same day each month, tbc), and each month there is the option to have a 121 Skype call with me to discuss any questions that arise for you that month.

true leadership programme

Our rough curriculum will be:

  1. Understanding yourself – who you really are, the true leader within.
  2. Understanding your team – who they really are, and your relationship with them.
  3. Projection Vs behaviour.  What are you really dealing with.
  4. Where does true performance come from?
  5. Where does motivation come from?
  6. True leadership ‘skills’.

Although once you start engaging with this programme you will understand why it’s only a rough curriculum.

There will be a one off payment of £595 for your place on the programme.

At this moment, I am looking to get a feel for interest, and then I will go about setting which day of the month we will go for, (e.g. the Second Monday).  Each session will be recorded, strictly for the use of the group only, so if you miss any, you will still be able to watch online.

Get in touch if this could be something that would interest you, or if you know someone like minded that could be drawn to such a course – please pass on the details.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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Finding Yourself https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/finding-yourself Thu, 09 Aug 2018 14:49:49 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2748 The post Finding Yourself appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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What does finding yourself really mean?

Does it mean working out what your passion is?  Finding a special groove for yourself in the world?  Deciding your next career move?  Working out how to behave in certain situations?  Finding some rules to live life by?

Not in my book.

Finding yourself means not resisting.  It means stopping the struggle, the never ending chase to be ‘good enough’, to fit in, to find that groove, to get it right.  To stop living in the imagined future, or reliving history as though it affects us today.  To stop believing the labels that have been placed on you over your life time, by yourself and others.

Without all of that – no chase, no judgement, no fear or expectation – what remains?

That is who you are.

Most people, when asked this question, answer with the realisation that, without all of that, they would be happy, peaceful, free, content. That is who we are.

Finding yourself thread

Who we appear to be in the world is like a thread in a tapestry.  We can only see what our particular thread is doing, and with our judgements and fears, it could look like we are making a right old mess of it.  That other threads are doing better, or hindering us in some way.  However, we can’t see the bigger picture from our position on the path of our piece of thread.  If we could see the overall picture, we would see the perfection of our individual strand.  Whatever we are doing, we are getting it right.  We are doing the only thing that makes sense to us to do at any given moment.  We are being ourselves.

When we get clear on who we are, stop the judging and the chasing, the journey continues – smoothly.  Enjoyably! That is what finding yourself means to me.   No resistance, no judgement, no denying, just you being you.  The only thing you can be.  Perfect.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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An Ordinary Weirdo https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/an-ordinary-weirdo Mon, 06 Aug 2018 10:23:36 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2742 The post An Ordinary Weirdo appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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For around a decade now I have been on a very very ordinary spiritual journey.

When we speak of spirituality, we might imagine incense burning, chanting, communicating with deceased relatives or other worldly beings, casting aside all possessions and going on a quest to India.  Well, while I have nothing against any of those things, it’s been nothing like that.  Although I have been to India, but that was more about beaches, surfing and curry, than it was trying to find oneself.  Don’t get me wrong, there have been a couple of times when sitting in the mountains and not engaging in human life has looked quite appealing.  (I’m sure we can all relate to that.)  But this spiritual journey has been much more ordinary than one might imagine. You don’t need to go anywhere, have a guru, dress a certain way or do anything in particular.  You could get there from a bedsit in Skegness, dressed head to toe in adidas if that’s your thing.

It can be boiled down to being at peace with what is (not resisting), understanding that happiness does not come from external things, and seeing the spiritual nature of everything.  If you’re wondering what the latter part of that statement means, I would simply use this question to get you to consider what I’m pointing to here:  “Is it possible that the only thing we can know for sure is Awareness, and that everything else is just as it appears, arising within it?” 

Sit with that one sometime, when the mood strikes you.

 

ordinary weirdo spiritual journey

Mountain top/jungle meditation not required

So while the uncovering of our shared spiritual nature and what that means for us is very ordinary, the journey has not been a straight forward one.  Often I would still get bogged down by my ego’s ideas of how things should be, and that would stall my progress, because Living-in-a-big-house, married-with-2-kids would seem more important than being peaceful and content with what is.

“Yeah, this is all very well and good, but I actually WANT these things. I don’t want to be so happy that I forget to want them”. (Yes, I really thought that)

Well at some point along the line, something changed and I was prepared to be so peaceful and content day to day that I could forget to pursue the things I thought I needed. Don’t get me wrong, there are still things I would like to explore and enjoy but I don’t need them anymore.

And that’s the switch.

This spiritual journey is nothing wild or ‘out-there’. It’s a simple freedom from the suffering that comes with wanting things to be different than they are. With pursuing happiness in outer objects or experiences.  With considering ourselves to be separate and isolated.

Counter cultural? For sure. Counter common sense? Absolutely not.

I am a perfectly ordinary weirdo.

In recent years I have been really pleased to find that there are loads of other ordinary weirdos. This year I am very privileged to be on a mentorship programme on which everyone sees what I see and is “normal”. Professional, regular people. With regular haircuts and standard clothes. People who would look perfectly innocuous walking down the street. Apart from the possibility that if you were to look at them you might feel a bit warm. Because, if they were to catch your eye, they might radiate a knowing to you. A knowing that you are perfect as you are. That you and they are the same.  Arising in awareness as perfect expressions of creation.

If you are on a similar journey, I want you to know that you are not alone. There are thousands and thousands of us. Normal, everyday people. Business owners, parents, athletes, school kids, government workers etc. People who are becoming conscious of the understanding that we don’t have to experience reality as this fixed, separate, material thing to change or suffer. Becoming conscious of the realisation that it doesn’t always feel like we are isolated individuals.  Understanding that maybe we aren’t just this mind-body that we appear to be. Maybe we don’t need to suffer if things aren’t ‘perfect’, because we are already perfect.

Making this discovery can feel pretty rocky at first, as we start to see through our conditioned beliefs, and wonder what life will be like without them.  There is nothing to fear. You can be an ordinary weirdo, living a standard life.  Nothing needs to change, yet it may all look different.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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Chasing Perfection (or ‘good enough’) https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/chasing-perfection-good-enough Mon, 30 Jul 2018 08:26:58 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2733 The post Chasing Perfection (or ‘good enough’) appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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How much time do we spend chasing being perfect, getting things spot on, being ‘good enough’?

Even the most slapdash amongst us have certain standards that we think we need to meet!  Whether it’s time spent on the tasks themselves, or just the mental effort of thinking about how things ‘should’ be, and worrying about when or whether we will get them done or right.

We might place more emphasis on getting things right in some areas than others.  Some will focus on careers or business, others will want their relationship to be perfect, or their home to be ‘just so’, or their diet/body to be right, or their hobbies/sports to be at their best, or their children to be perfectly well balance/behaved/fed/dressed…

 

perfect relationship perfect health

Are you seeking perfect health? Relationship perfection? Or better high fives? (these two need to work on that!)

So going back to the original question – how much time we spend chasing this – I’m going to assume that your answer is ‘a lot’.

It can feel and look to us like we need to get these things done or right or perfect in order to get them off our backs so we can relax.  Or so that we can stop worrying about what people think of us.  Or worrying whether everything is going to be okay in one way or another.  It’s pretty normal for it to look like that.  That’s our conditioning.  We all have some kind of mental shopping list that we are trying to live up to.

Yet trying to achieve this perfection, get things right etc, is a bottomless pit.  Even if we did meet our own exceptionally high standards, then we’re likely to notice new things that we think we could be doing better.  The best we’ll manage is a temporarily experience of the idea of being finished/perfect, and the temporary happiness or peace that comes with the end of the chase – until we come up with something else that we think we need to do.

 

business perfection

Does having things ‘right’ in your business keep you awake at night?

The discomfort that we experience when things don’t look perfect or aren’t finished doesn’t come from needing it to be done or better.  It comes from thinking that we need things to be a certain way for us to be able to be relaxed (happy/secure, etc).  By believing that, we experience a state of lack.  “This isn’t finished, so I am not happy”.  That is the uncomfortable feeling.  The idea that this shouldn’t be this way.  If you believe that something shouldn’t be the way that it is and that you need it to be different, then of course you are going to feel uncomfortable.  We can take the uncomfortable feeling as a gentle prod from the body to let us know that we are looking in the wrong direction for peace/happiness.

 

perfection not happy

If you manage to get everything ‘perfect’, then what?

Our wellbeing is always with us (as I explained in this previous article), so we can relax and be happy now.  Not when _____ (fill in the blank).

For some, this realisation is a weight off. A physical feeling of tension lifting, a calmness being rediscovered from within.  For others, an alarm is going off at this point.  “Yeah but if I don’t worry about getting these things right, then I’ll never get them sorted”.  I have two answers to that.

  1. Maybe.  But why do you want them sorted?  What’s the real reason?  Seek it from within.  Ask yourself what you are really trying to achieve here.  Is it some kind of peace, happiness, contentment, security? – If the belief that you need to get this done is the very thing that is blocking the peace and happiness, does the discomfort provide any benefit?
  2. Not necessarily.  You might actually find that without the emotional sting, you’ll have a clearer mind.  You may be more productive, and find creative solutions that you hadn’t previously considered. You might even enjoy doing them! When the mind is full of thoughts of ‘shoulds’ there’s not a lot of space for any alternative ‘coulds’.

You don’t need things to be perfect/good enough, because You already are.  When you are seeking perfection externally, you miss what already exists, right here, right now.  Pure perfection, waiting to be enjoyed.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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Finding who we really are https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/finding-who-we-really-are Wed, 18 Jul 2018 13:35:42 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2716 The post Finding who we really are appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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Have you ever experienced the draining feeling that can accompany the effort involved in keeping up the appearance you are trying to present yourself to the world?  Or working to meet what you perceive others expect of you? Trying to reach the goals that you think you ought to reach?  Carrying around the baggage of who you think you are in relation to previous events and thoughts about yourself?

Why do we do this?!

In one of the jokes of life, the effort to maintain an appearance of a sane, functioning human, is one of the things that makes it incredibly difficult to be a sane, functioning human!  Cultural conditioning has painted a picture for us of what we need to be in order to be ‘good enough’, so we work hard to achieve/maintain the illusion that we are that.

But that’s all it is.  An illusion.  We aren’t the character we are presenting to the world.  We are no more that character than an actor is the character they play in any film.  But we take on this role as if it is us.

It is only us in thought.  Who we really are comes before the thought.  Before the illusion of separation between me and you and everything else.  Who we really are is pure and perfect.  It doesn’t need a mask, a character, an ego, the approval of anyone else.  In fact the attempts to maintain the illusion is what keeps us from finding our true nature.  It’s can exhausting bottomless pit to work on this version of ourselves.

Finding who you really are

Exploring who we are

On Wednesday 8th August I will be leading a small seminar exploring this understanding of who we are in more depth. Giving you an opportunity to move beyond who you think you are and discover the treasure that lies beneath. If you would like to join us the details and link for booking are below:

Finding Yourself
Weds 8 August, 15.00 – 16.30
Therapy Life Centre, Southend
Tickets £25 (Early bird tickets £20 until end of July)

https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/finding-yourself-informal-seminar-tickets-47948381901

 

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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What is confidence and do we actually need it? https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/confidence-actually-need Tue, 10 Jul 2018 09:03:11 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2694 The post What is confidence and do we actually need it? appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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Implicit through the life of the average Westernised person is the suggestion that confidence is an important part of achieving any kind of success or happiness. 

Confidence for taking exams, confidence in job interviews, sales pitches, while approaching a person you’d like to date, before attempting that snowboarding trick, and so on and so forth.  So much so that there are classes on it, hypnotherapy downloads, articles of 10 ways to increase your confidence.  Even personal shoppers and stylists to help you ‘dress with confidence’.

 

So what is this confidence thing of which we speak?

Well, when we drill down to it, it looks a lot like confidence is considered to be the absence of self-doubt.  There seems to be a further notion implied within this, that without self-doubt you are more likely to succeed.  Whoa there!  Let’s stop and pick this apart a little bit further.

Confidence and success

First of all, I want to look at the idea that confidence and success are inter-related.  It doesn’t look to me like they are.  At the point of writing, I have been working in the field of coaching for over 9 years, and I have worked with some incredibly successful, high performing people, who came to me because they wanted me to help them with their confidence.  But not because they wanted to be more successful (they just wanted to feel better).  So if confidence is necessary for success, then they wouldn’t be where they are.  Also, I have a colleague who is a professional sport person who can report winning Man of the Match on a day of feeling incredibly insecure.

In addition to these examples let’s consider whether it is also possible that a confident person could set out to do something with a great deal of confidence about it and not succeed?  Despite the absence of any self-doubt, they still don’t achieve the desired outcome?  I  am certain that that is something which happens frequently around the world.

confidence and self doubt

The understanding that I teach my clients is that how confident you are, doesn’t matter.  Knowing that you are okay whether you succeed or fail, does.  It’s the attachment of our wellbeing to outcomes that affects how seriously we take them and whether we experience feeling okay about doing them or not.  Really our wellbeing has nothing to do with whether we are successful at the thing that we set out to do or not.  (Read this article: Your wellbeing is always with you for more information on that)

In fact, after the London 2012 Olympics, a documentary was aired which featured Olympic Gold medal winners speaking about the feelings that they experienced not long after winning gold.  When their biggest desire has been fulfilled, they are often left with a sense of loss.  “I’ve done it, I still feel the same as I felt before, now what?” (or something along those lines).  So, other than an initial rush of euphoria, their happiness and wellbeing did not come from winning Olympic Gold.

What is self-doubt?

Let’s bring things back to the initial statement I made that confidence appears to be the absence of self-doubt.  Self-doubt is just thought. Negative thoughts some might say.  Certainly thoughts that question your ability, whether you are good enough, capable enough, whether you might ‘muck it up’ or make a fool of yourself.  If we are believing these kinds of thoughts we can feel pretty uncomfortable.  These are the thoughts of an ego that wants to protect itself.

The ego is the projected you that you perceive yourself to be.  The ego believes that things need to be a certain way for it to be okay, which makes the ego – by nature – insecure.  Fortunately, the ego it isn’t who you actually are.  It is simply a construct of thought.  Who You Really Are, before thought, before ego, doesn’t need protecting.  It is, and always has been, perfectly okay.

So let’s look at this statement again.  If confidence is the absence of self-doubt, who is the one doing the doubting?  Is it your flappable ego, or is it who you really are?  A deeper felt presence, a calmness, a knowing that you are perfectly okay? Who you really are has no doubt.  Who you really are already knows you are whole and perfect, and could not possibly worry about the outcome of any event or circumstance, so confidence/doubt do not feature.

If you sense that you lack confidence, all you need to do is enquire into who you really are – your true nature – before the ego.

Why confidence boosting activities are unlikely to work…

The absence of self-doubt happens naturally when we are not taking the ego to be a real and fixed thing.  Not taking it to be who we are.  Confidence boosting activities are intended to bolster the ego.  These two things are in direct contradiction of one another.  How can boosting who you are not, the thing that wants to protect itself, alleviate you of worrying about the security of this innately insecure thing?  It just doesn’t make sense!

All you need to do is to know that you are not your ego, so no matter the outcome of anything, you are always okay.  Doubt has no purpose with this understanding.  Doubtful thoughts will of course pop in, but knowing who you really are, they pass as easily a cloud in the sky.  All you need to do is know that those thoughts aren’t who you are, and get to work.

Just turn up, be yourself, and know that – no matter how you feel – you are perfectly okay.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

The post What is confidence and do we actually need it? appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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Change Management https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/change-management Wed, 04 Jul 2018 10:08:43 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2677 The post Change Management appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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…and why we avoid change.

If there is one thing that we can be certain of in life, it’s that we can’t be certain of anything.  Absolutely everything that we consider real or solid in our lives is subject to change at some point and in some way.  All things are transient.  And that includes us, but that’s not the article I’m writing today.

Today I wanted to write about change management, and how fascinating it is that, despite living in a world where absolutely nothing is guaranteed to stay as it is, the majority of us still want and expect it to.  We try to protect and hoard things and maintain the status quo.  It doesn’t matter how forward thinking you are, everyone at some time tries to create security for themselves in an innately insecure, objective world.

Work place change

This article is just focusing on change in the work place.  A common situation is a clash of intentions between a person or group of persons who want change, and a person or group of persons that doesn’t agree (either wanting things to stay the same, or preferring a different type of change).  This can be problematic and ‘slowing’ for a company whom are keen to be dynamic and stay ahead of the game.  So why does it happen and what can we do about it?

change management business leadership

Well it happens simply because most of us spend a large amount of time believing that we are not whole, complete, perfect, or secure as we are and mistakenly believe we need some kind of external circumstances to give us whatever it is we think we lack.  When we believe a change is going to rock our security, or take away from us something which we have attached our wellbeing and idea of who we are to, then of course we will resist that change.  This resistance creates suffering (for the one resisting) and they then become even more concerned about the change. Mistakenly believing that that it is the change – rather than the resistance – that creates that suffering.

No resistance

When we understand who we really are and where our wellbeing really comes from, change looks different. There is no emotional need to resist it. Of course people may still have a preference about the way they would like to see things go, but without the sting in the tail.  Without believing that this is of significance to them. Why would we ever strongly resist change if we knew that who we are is already fundamentally okay?

It is my great privilege and honour to be asked to go into companies and share this understanding with their teams, because those who have seen this different understanding – that who we are is already whole, complete, perfect and needs nothing to feel secure – have no doubts about the benefit of their teams also knowing this.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

The post Change Management appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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Wellbeing in the workplace https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/wellbeing-in-the-workplace Thu, 14 Jun 2018 18:10:53 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2655 The post Wellbeing in the workplace appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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I provide bespoke training, seminars and 121s for clients who want to help their employees maintain wellbeing in the workplace.

My approach is totally different to what’s considered the ‘normal’ approach to this currently prolific issue, so I wanted to dedicate this article to how I do things differently and why that’s important.

Stress Strategies

The common approach is to look at the problem of stress as coming from the workplace.  Of it being as a result of 21st Century living with fast paced lives and increased drive for productivity.  Then with that in mind (having reaffirmed to those undertaking the training that stress comes from here) a load of strategies are taught on how to avoid that stress.  Plans to follow.  Action to take.  Essentially MORE things to do, placed as a burden on the shoulders of someone who believes (and has had it confirmed) that they need to be doing less.

My personal experience showed me that it wasn’t until I gave up on doing all the things that are meant to help me to feel at my best, that I actually felt at my best!  It seemed that the harder I was trying to do all the good stuff that’s meant to make us all feel well and happy, the more bogged down I felt.  Quite the opposite of the intended purpose!  I now teach the Inside Out understanding, that our inherent nature is one of wellbeing and peace, and it’s as though we have a psychological immune system that enables us to feel better, without us needing to tamper with it.  All we need to do is look in the right direction.  No strategy, no burden.

Resilience work

Human beings are naturally resilient, so rather than teaching them that they are stressed, broken, unwell – I teach them an understanding of where resilience comes from, so they learn that no matter how busy the workload may be, they always know that they are okay.  Including times when they feel stressed.  This understanding seems to lessen the cycle of stress, and increases awareness from the employee on their resolve and strength.

The Inside Out understanding that I share also assists in creating more compassion within work teams, as they start to identify that they are all the same, all experiencing the ups and downs of life. They see themselves in one another.  Fostering and environment of support and understanding, rather than one of urgency and stress.  So teams become more resilient, not just individuals.

How I work

My company is just me.  I’m not as big or as high profile as some other companies delivering help to organisations, however what my small size allows me to be is very dynamic.  Meaning I can come to you, use your space.  Meet at a time that suits your staff.  Meet as often or as little as feels useful to you.  I can meet you as a team, 121 or a mixture of both.  My approach is friendly and professional (you can check my testimonials if you like).

Hopefully this article has given you a flavour of how different this approach is to other approaches you may have been offered. If you are looking for wellbeing in the workplace, stress reduction and increased resilience, please—before you make any decisions—call me in for a meeting.  Hear all your options before committing.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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How helpful is this understanding? https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/how-helpful-is-this-understanding Sun, 10 Jun 2018 20:09:26 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2642 The post How helpful is this understanding? appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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This understanding changes nothing, yet at the same time, it changes everything.

In a recent conversation with someone close to me about this understanding, the other person stated that it didn’t really matter whether what I was saying was right or wrong, because it doesn’t change anything, we still have to live this life and operate with things as they appear to be.  So it occurs to me that if this person sees things this way when surely others may do too.  Thus an article addressing this point was born!

What is the benefit of knowing this?

All of the behaviour that we look at and don’t like comes from a misunderstanding.  A misunderstanding as to where our wellbeing comes from.  When we know it is always with us, we don’t need to do anything ‘shifty’. Anything that protects our own interest, regardless of what it means to others.  We don’t need to lie, steal, cheat, harm in order to protect or improve ourselves, because we already know we are okay.

Equally if any of these things are done to us, if we are lied to, stolen from, cheated or harmed, we know that we are okay.  No material matter can harm the essence of who we really are.  And with this knowledge we can forgive.  There is no need for anger, retribution or justice to be done. We don’t need to make the behaviour personal.  We know that it is being done from an innocent place of misunderstanding, that’s all.

Further to this, when we know that we are all One, that it doesn’t make any sense at all to harm another person or living thing, because they are us, so we are hurting ourselves.  When we know who we really are, we can feel a sense of ease, of peace, of love – more and more.  From this place of ease and peace and love, our lives become ‘better’.   Sure we won’t feel like that 100% of the time, but when we forget who we really are, remembering again is only around the corner so the suffering (and any harmful behaviour that may result) are short lived if carried out at all.

These are the basic fundamental human to human benefits of knowing this understanding.

To ease suffering

When we have this understanding and suffer, sooner or later this knowing kicks back in, and we remember that our suffering is coming from a place of forgetting that we are always totally okay.  From buying into an idea that we are anything other than whole, perfect and complete.  This simple remembering means that there is nothing we need to do.  We remember that we aren’t broken, we don’t need to fix anything, or change anything, improve ourselves or our circumstances in order to be okay.

Some activities of change may end up playing out, but it comes from a different place.  A place of curious exploration, rather than desperate seeking.

And because we know we aren’t broken, we also know that nobody and nothing else is either.  We are free to see the beauty in every person, situation and moment.

What else?

Well when we know that nothing material can bring happiness, the endless quest to acquire more stuff comes to a rather abrupt end (well it certainly has for me).  It longer makes sense to consume things we don’t actually need.  To buy clothes because we think they will make us look and feel good, to engage in activities that are (when you look into it) harmful to our planet, and to the people involved in producing the products we needlessly consume.  With this reduced need to consume, our need to earn large amounts of money also goes.  We know that we are okay whether we have a Ford Focus or an Audi R8 (the view’s always the same out the window and you still get stuck in traffic).  We can afford to enjoy a life rather than spend our lives making a living.

In work, our approach changes too.  Instead of fearing the outcome of different things, worrying about whether we will get everything done, how our business is perceived and so on and so forth – we are free to play with the experience of having a profession.  To curiously explore what could be possible.  To be okay with trying and failing.  To be able to dust ourselves off and go into the next meeting/pitch unscathed.  To be able to go to our ‘superiors’ (ha!) or our bank manager to make that suggestion without attachment to the outcome.  What would be possible then?

How many hours of worrying do we do a week?  What would we do with this time if we knew that we never needed to worry again?

Thanks for reading. x

how helpful is the inside out understanding

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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My bravest article yet https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/bravest-article-yet Tue, 29 May 2018 12:52:58 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2624 The post My bravest article yet appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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Up until now, all of the articles that I have written about the human experience have been designed to be accessible, to be relatable.  To be read at a level that pretty much anyone could ‘get’ what I’m pointing to.  To gently point readers in a direction slightly different to the one they have been moving in, but without spooking them.

This morning I am struck with an unignorable drive to write something different.  To go further than scratching the surface and to tell you how I really see it.  Not how I see it but watered down in case how I see it isn’t palatable to you.  I realise now that this approach, while it makes sense in many ways, has also been done with maybe a pinch of fear.  With some notion of having something to lose.  While I believe these articles have all had value, and I’m sure I will continue to write more like them – I know that I don’t have anything to lose by going all in, and here’s why.

The way that I understand life now can be simply explained as this:

It’s not how it looks.  Life isn’t a series of things that are happening to us and we are being proactive or reactive about.  Life is an expression of consciousness (or awareness).  What we experience as life all comes from the place of awareness.  It is like a dance or a play unfolding, and we are a participatory audience (like in those immersive theatre experiences).  We are the awareness that watches the play, and we are also in the play.  The play cannot hurt us or elate us really. We can have the experience of being sad or happy whilst immersed in it, however, who we really are is not something that can be hurt.

Make sense?  It goes further than that.  The audience is One. There are no individual members of the audience who are watching/involved in this play. There is one audience, but with billions of different plays unfolding.  Yet we all have the same experience.  We all have the experience of life unfolding before us, appearing as if we are a separate human individual, an ego, a personality, and that we have something to lose or gain.  And that our objective is to ‘win’ at the game of life – whatever that may mean to us.  So we strive.  We strive to be happy, to acquire things/people/experiences that we believe can bring us more happiness.  But none of it can, because all of it is transitory.  If we live our lives seeking happiness from things which are guaranteed to pass (at some point) then we live our lives in insecurity.

However, if we live our lives knowing that we are the awareness from which all experience unfolds, none of it can hurt us.  And we don’t need any of it to make us happy.  We already are happiness.  We are whole and perfect.  We are divine.  We feel that divinity in moments when our thoughts, our ego, drops away.  We live a dance of moving between seeing ourselves as this ego that we believe we are and dropping out of it into peace, happiness and wellbeing.

That peace happiness and wellbeing is always with us. We have nothing to fear.  Nothing to lose.

So it’s with nothing to fear and nothing to lose that I am writing this article.  Going to a place that I know could put some people right off ‘me’, hitting the unfriend button, or just deciding to steer well clear in the future. There was a point in my life when I would have had this reaction too.  But that’s okay.  I know that I am fundamentally fine, even if that’s what everyone thinks of this.

Some people may read this article and think “Hmmmm, I can see what you’re saying but I’m not too sure about it”.  That’s okay too.  Keep looking.  For me it wasn’t an immediate revelation, it’s something that has crept from the background into the foreground over a number of years.

Hopefully some of you will read this and hear something that stops you in your tracks, at least momentarily.  You may not be able to put words to what you feel.  That’s also okay.  You don’t need to.  Just feel it.  That’s the truth/peace/love/happiness of who you are.  Before the ego.  Before thought.  Let’s rest in that place.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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