Butterfly Effect Coaching https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk Butterfly Effect Coaching is a Business Coach, provides Executive Coaching and Personal Coaching Mon, 15 Oct 2018 07:42:49 +0000 en-GB hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.9.8 Calling out the ego https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/calling-out-the-ego Mon, 15 Oct 2018 07:42:49 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2912 The post Calling out the ego appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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Not a day goes by when there isn’t fodder available for the ego to reinforce itself with.  

Whether that’s in the form of apparently inspiring quotations about what we can achieve.  In references made which connect certain events with certain feelings, as if there is a direct causal link.  Whether it’s in a conversation in which we are asked to describe ourselves, or asked what we think about something.  Asked how much money we make, or what our house is like.  Or whether it’s in the separation of groups rallying against other groups.

In current western society, this kind of reference is always there.  So it takes a willingness to go against the grain, to break the mould, to seek to do the opposite.  To point out that the egoic separate self is not who we really are.  And this notion will be met with fear, derision and confusion, just as much as it is met with awe, wonder and laughter.

So why do it?

Why point out to anyone that they aren’t their ego?  Well, simply put, because the ego is at the centre of all suffering.  The very nature of the ego is the idea of separation, lack, needing to be good enough.  The ego is what seeks and what resists.  The ego cannot be satisfied.  It can experience temporary relief, but never lasting happiness.

So if the ego isn’t the centre of happiness, why make it the centre of existence?  It doesn’t make sense.

Calling out the ego

What does make sense is to point away from what we are not, to what we are.  Or another way of explaining this is going back to the essence of the self before anything has been put on it.  If you leave behind ideas of your name, your job, financial, health or relationship status.  Leave behind any stories of what’s bothering you, or what you need.  Leave that behind for just a few moments and explore what’s left.  The fundamental essence.

What we’re left with is pure awareness.  Awareness that has no shape or size.  No preference or desires.  No limits. No fear or shame.  No concept of being good enough.  Awareness that just is.  If awareness has no limits, how many awarenesses can there be?  Only one.  Not billions.  One.

When we look in this direction, when the stories of the ego go quiet, we can see and feel that who we really are is unconditional peace and happiness.  That this is no separate you and me.  That the ego character with which we navigate life isn’t who we really are. Suddenly our needs, wants and desires are less important.  They no longer cause us to suffer.  To act in a way that isn’t in alignment with our true self.  We are free to live unconditionally.  To be able to approach any situation with love and understanding.  Imagine if every ego character approached life in this way…

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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Scotland Retreat – April 26th-29th 2019 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/scotland-retreat-april-26th-29th-2019 Fri, 28 Sep 2018 12:41:20 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2878 The post Scotland Retreat – April 26th-29th 2019 appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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Scotland Retreat – April 26th-29th 2019

Space, tranquility, conversation – an exploration of our true nature…

Along with my wonderful colleagues Sara Priestley & Ali Scott, I’m pleased to be offering a relaxing, immersive and eye-opening experience for those who wish to deepen their understanding of our true nature.  Within beautiful Scottish landscapes, it’s a chance to leave everything behind for a few days and share a conversation on a uniquely different perspective of life, that unites us all and relieves us of the idea that we are separate and isolated.

The retreat will be a weekend gathering in Central Scotland, 26-29th April 2019. It will be a simple opportunity to hear more of the understanding we each share in a small group setting. There will be lots of opportunities to ask the questions that you’ve always wanted to, make new friends and to enjoy the beautiful surroundings.

What to expect from the retreat

Please note that we are too early in the planning to offer precise timings and schedules, but this is roughly what you can expect from the weekend:

  • Arrival Friday from 12pm (rooms are available from 4pm) get comfortable.
  • Afternoon & evening talks and leisure time.
  • Saturday – a day of talks, conversations, Q&A, relaxation time, optional walks & use of a hot tub
  • Sunday – a day of talks, conversation, Q&A and relaxing (same options available)
  • Monday morning – final conversations.
  • Retreat ends at midday Monday.

We are likely to do one shared evening meal together.

Pricing and Accommodation options

  • Self Catered Double for one person £650
  • Self Catered Double for two people £1000
  • Self Catered Single bed in a shared twin room £550
  • Day guests (local or book your own B&B) £400

Please note that accommodation options are on a first come first served basis.

The rooms will be within a shared log cabin or coach house.  Follow the links to see pictures and descriptions.

I’m interested – what should I do?

There are only around 10 spaces available, so deposits are a must.  The payment plan is as follows:

  • £200 deposit to secure your spot (non-refundable if you cancel).
  • Second instalment of £200 due in November.
  • Final payment due in December.

Please contact me directly to express your interest, through my usual contact channels.  Alternatively, you can pay your deposit online to secure your spot right away with this link.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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The unlucky list of broken dreams https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/unlucky-list-broken-dreams Tue, 25 Sep 2018 18:14:14 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2868 The post The unlucky list of broken dreams appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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Life isn’t always going to match up to our expectations. . .

broken dreams

This article is for anyone who has a mental list of things that haven’t quite gone to plan, or aren’t quite the way you want them.  There might only be one broken dream on the list, but if it’s a burden you are carrying around with you day to day – aware of the life circumstance that isn’t quite the way you want it to be, then I’m writing to you.

I’m writing to you to let you in on a secret.  To let you in on a secret that will take you from being someone who has an unlucky list – a broken dream – to someone who feels like the luckiest person in the world.  Even the very fact that you are reading this article is down to pure luck!  You didn’t look for it.  It just popped up in front of you and seemed interesting.

So let me set the tone.  If you’ve got an unlucky list of any length, that means that you aren’t entirely happy with your external circumstances.  You’ve sought to get happiness from the outside world and it hasn’t worked.  Correct?  The secret is that it doesn’t work.  Seeking happiness from things, people, circumstances is a look in the wrong direction.  We may experience temporary happiness when we stop looking for it momentarily when the thing, person or circumstance we thought we needed shows up.  But it’s only ever temporary.

Why is it temporary?  We’ll soon notice something else we don’t have or compare ourselves unfavourably in some way, so the feeling of dissatisfaction, or being unlucky, will return.  Or, because deep down we can sense the impermanence of whatever it is, we will start to fear losing it. But the truth is that we don’t need anything, in particular, to be happy.  Happiness is our default state.  It’s only when we look in the wrong direction for it that we don’t experience it.  Instead, we experience lack, bad luck, resistance and suffering.

Reading this article you are in the lucky few who are becoming aware of this.  You are one of the lucky ones.  You can stop seeking happiness from things on your list, and start looking for it where it actually is.  You have it already.  You are happiness.  When you take away the limitations – the ideas we are conditioned to believe that we need, we take away the angst of not having them.  What remains?  Happiness.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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Imagine – Leadership de-personalised… https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/imagine-leadership-de-personalised Mon, 17 Sep 2018 18:10:25 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2857 The post Imagine – Leadership de-personalised… appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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Imagine a leader who never took anything personally.

Imagine a leader who could see through ‘disrespectful’ behaviour and see someone who didn’t understand why they were being asked to do what they were doing, and felt vulnerable and confused.

Imagine a leader who didn’t associate their employee’s mistakes with a knock to their own leadership abilities.

Imagine a leader who didn’t take their own bad moods and vulnerabilities into the place of work.

Imagine a leader whom, no matter how rude or snappy you were with them, could still see the pure perfect human underneath the mood and treated you in accordance.

Imagine a leader who didn’t tie their own self-worth into the performance of the company, and could approach any problems with a curiosity as to how they would be solved, rather than a desperate need for them to go away.

Imagine a leader who didn’t need to be seen to be the best, so could put their energy into helping their teams grow and develop to their best, even if that meant the leader themselves being outperformed.

Imagine a leader who didn’t attach stress to approaching deadlines, and didn’t push that stress onto anyone else.

Imagine a leader who always assumed that everyone acted in a way that made the most sense to them, so explores other options with the people concerned in an open, non-blaming, discussion when things aren’t quite going to plan.

Imagine a leader who knew that it was never about you if they were in a bad mood.  And could recognise it would pass in good time.

Imagine a leader who didn’t need things to go a defined way, and was open to suggestion and opportunities when they arose.

de-personalised leadership

These are the ideal leadership traits that I work on with people in groups and 121s.  A lot more detail is required than is listed above of course, for it to make sense, and to be able to see why it is okay to do this.  That’s what my True Leadership Programme will be taking leaders towards.

Yes, of course, we can think of reasons against these ideas.  Where do those reasons come from?  From an egoic need to be better, get there faster, make more profit?  Is that the most important thing?  Really?  I mean, I know it’s a business, but seriously.  Money is not the most important thing – let me show you why I can say that with confidence. . .

Why do we want money?  To feel secure, to be happy.  Does having money actually bring that?  Not really.  If people with money felt secure, why would they need so many measures to protect themselves and their possessions?  Why do some rich people experience depression?

Having said that, if we could take the leadership attributes I mentioned on board, we might find that we do actually make a lot of money, and the process to get there is far happier.  The people feel more secure.  There is less stress, blame, ill feeling and pressure.

I know which one makes sense to me.  What about you?

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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The Business Illusion https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/the-business-illusion Mon, 17 Sep 2018 14:14:38 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2849 The post The Business Illusion appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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Question – What have you ever experienced outside of awareness?

Answer – Nothing.

business illusion

We live in a world of apparent form and realness. Assuming things to be fixed and finite in time and space.  When on closer investigation it turns out that the only way any of this can exist is through our ‘knowing’ of it, in experience, in awareness.

Could it be possible then, that everything exists because it arises within awareness into our experience, and therefore the common factor in everything we experience is the “I” that experiences it?  This is the Inside-Out understanding that I teach and coach from.  Understanding this can have big implications for business.

The experiential nature of things applies to the physical objects in awareness, financial obligations, our businesses and careers, as well as the sensations, thoughts and feelings that mould our lives.  We experience these things as real because they are experiential.  Just like a dream appears real because our experience of it is real. What does this mean?  Well, it means that everything which we have previously taken to be true as a hard and fast thing that is happening to us is up for grabs.

Let me expand on that

Take for instance that person in your team that makes you feels so angry.  Whoa, wait a minute.  If all of this is arising in awareness, and you are the “I” that is both the creator and the experiencer of that – how can it be possible that a separate team member can make you angry?!  They are not separate, they are made of experiential awareness, in exactly the same proportions that you are.  So how can anything that is not separate from you, make you feel anything?  It can’t.  You are the experiencer and the experience.

Or what about that enormous workload and that impending deadline, that keeps you awake at night, with stressful thoughts about how it could possibly go, and whether you’ll be okay if you don’t get it done.  Again, stop right there.  The experience of work, the experience of stress, the experience of time is all subjective.  It is all made of thought arising within awareness.  And when we fall into an understanding of that suddenly we can’t be anything other than okay.  We have all the time we could possibly need, and however it turns out, it’s okay.

What about the success of your business as a whole?  Well the concept of success in itself is subjective – yet we objectify business success as though it is something separate to us that we need to reach.  Business success (or lack thereof) can only ever exist within our experience.  We are the “I” in which the experience of business unfolds.  And we are the “I” which creates that success. All of it is subjective, and all of it is transitory.  The idea that we can be happy or secure as a result of something which is created within our observation, cannot be true. Because just as quickly as we have experienced having success, we can experience losing it. It’s only the appearance of things that may give us a fleeting moment of gratification, or worry. The security comes from knowing that the business is the “I” unfolding. Nothing more.  You are not your business.  You are the creator.

Still not sure

Play around with this idea for yourself.  See if you can find the place where experience stops and something else starts.  See if you can know a way in which things can exist objectively (without the experience of them).

If you want to know more, keep an eye out for future posts.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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Who we are knows no ‘Wrong’ https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/knows-no-wrong Fri, 14 Sep 2018 15:43:13 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2838 The post Who we are knows no ‘Wrong’ appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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Following on from my article on the futility of trying to get life right, it felt important to turn attention to why we’re okay not to pursue getting it right.

Simply put, who we really are doesn’t care.  Who we really are cares not what car we drive, how well we are dressed, how tidy or big our house is.  How supportive our partner is or how much fun we have at the weekends.  It is only from the perspective of a separate, finite, egoic self that any of these things appear important.

unconditional love

Who we really are is a perfect essence.  It has no preference. Sees no ‘wrong’ or ‘right’. It is here to experience itself as the unfolding of life.  Whatever form that may take.  It doesn’t need anything to turn out any particular way.  It is perfect already.

We all know this deep within.  That’s why we want to be shown unconditional love.  The operative word being unconditional. Because we know we deserve it without having to be or do anything specific.  We know we are pure and whole exactly as we are.  No matter how messy our hair is, what our marital status is, where we are on the career ladder.

Who is that you, that knows that you are unconditional love?  Well you can put any name on it you like.  Pure Awareness, True Self, God, Universe, Your Higher Self, One.  All these names are talking about the same thing.  They are talking about who we really are.  We ARE what we seek.  Unconditional love, peace, happiness, security, perfection.

There are no life conditions that are right or wrong in the eyes of unconditional love.  Relax, you’re doing it right already.

Want to explore this more in a group?  Great, I have the perfect opportunity coming up.  Click on the image for more detail:

who you really are

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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The futility of trying to get life RIGHT https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/getting-life-right Mon, 27 Aug 2018 20:42:47 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2802 The post The futility of trying to get life RIGHT appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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getting life right

How helpful is this suggestion?!

Pause for a moment and consider how much of your behaviour is driven by some kind of attempt to get life right. 

Whatever right means to you.  Whatever that behaviour may be.  Healthy eating, treating yourself, exercising, relaxing, spending adequate time socialising, addressing your partner’s behaviour with him/her, striving to do a good job at work, to get a promotion, to look right, to smell right, to be punctual.  Whatever it may be.

If that resonates with you at all, then let’s look at this a bit further.  How much energy goes into this.  The actual behaviour itself is neither here nor there.  The emotional attachment to it is what I’m looking to address in this article.  Would it sit just as comfortably to you whether you went to the gym or not?  Whether you spoke to your partner about that thing they said, or didn’t?  Whether you start that business, or stay in your job for another year?  Whether you went to the music festival, or stayed in bed and read a book?

If not, I want to look at why not.

It looks to me like most of us have some kind of idea about getting life right, and a fear of getting it wrong, of making mistakes, of ending up living a life of any kind of regret.  It also looks to me like what we actually do in life has very little to do with whether we feel the fear, or feel satisfied.  So if that’s the case, why do so many people experience the angst of trying to get things right, and what’s the alternative?

To answer the first question, it’s conditioned.  From early childhood we are compared to others, and it is constantly commented on how we are progressing, and these comments come from people who love us.  It’s possible then to start to associate our self worth (whether we are loveable) with our apparent progress.  All completely innocently done.  Fast forward a few decades and we’re still doing it.

The alternative is to recognise that no matter how hard we try or strive, how good we get at things, how straight our teeth are, how Instagram worthy our dinner looks, there will always be more that could be achieved.  In comparison to the more than can be achieved we can always judge that we still haven’t quite got it right.  So that can’t possibly be the path to satisfaction.

If that isn’t the path, what is?

The path inwards.  To knowing who you really are, and where your wellbeing really comes from.  It’s actually incredibly simple.  When you see that these outer things can’t bring you lasting peace or happiness, and you relinquish your need for them – peace and happiness show up.  They show up because they were there all along.  The only thing stopping you from seeing them, was the idea that they were yet to be found.  This is the pathless path.  Of finding that you had the answer all along.  That you never needed to seek it in external pursuits, or an attempt to get things right.  What a revelation.  What a relief!

With this understanding – that we are peace and happiness already – we are free to curiously explore anything that takes our fancy, without any attachment to whether we are doing the right thing, or to the outcome of the activity.  We know that none of that matters.  Not really. None of that affects who we are.  Who we are is not measureable in achievements, appearance, likeability.  That’s the never ending quest of the ego.  The ego’s number is up.  It’s been spotted, called out, seen for the futile chase it’s had us on most of our lives.

The old saying about the definition of madness seems appropriate here.  “The definition of madness is to keep doing the same thing over and over again, yet expecting a different result”.  I call out the madness of trying over and over to get lasting happiness and satisfaction through external means.  It doesn’t last. How can it?!  There will always be something else to notice, to crave, to wish for.  How about we stop banging our heads on that brick wall and call off the search.  Try ‘not trying’ instead and see what happens.

I’m running a seminar that explores this antithesis in more depth soon:

Living Unconditionally – 23rd Oct ’18 – 10-11.30 – Southend.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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Workplace wellbeing seminars (with a difference) https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/workplace-wellbeing-seminars Wed, 22 Aug 2018 16:06:04 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2779 The post Workplace wellbeing seminars (with a difference) appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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Your wellbeing is always with you.

State of mind and employee wellbeing is a hot topic – with incidences of stress, anxiety and depression being higher than they’ve ever been.  No doubt your organisation takes seriously the wellbeing of your staff.  Both because you care about them, and also because you care about them being well enough to work in your business.  Furthermore, people who learn to see beyond feelings of stress, pressure or frustration, becomes more compassionate, resilient and creative.  An added bonus.

Yet many of the ideas and methodologies shared about how to get the healthiest state of mind are actually keeping us further from mental ease and realising our innate wellbeing.  Piling on more and more pressure instead, creating the idea that things need to be a certain way in order for us to feel okay, both in the workplace and outside of it.

Workplace wellbeing seminars

 

I feel very passionately about the work I do helping to awaken people to the truth that no matter what is going on around you – you are fundamentally okay.  This understanding (when held deeply) is the end to all emotional suffering.  In a workplace where stress and pressure are as common as cups of tea, this information could not be more worthwhile.  We all have this inner resilience, and we can find it even in the toughest of conditions.

After providing workshops on this very understanding for business leaders for some time, I am now more and more frequently being asked by these leaders to come and share the understanding they have learnt from me in the workplace with their wider teams.  Something that I am more than happy to do.

A one off 1hr 30 minute workshop/seminar, done in your place of work, is a great starting point for sharing this unique understanding with your workforce.  If you can see the benefit and want me to come back regularly, that can be arranged too.  Let me share with your teams the truth of where their wellbeing really comes from, and help them to unlearn the cultural conditioning we’ve been subjected to all our lives.  Let’s stop people suffering in silence unnecessarily, or feeling bogged down with wellbeing to-do lists on top of everything else that’s already demanding their attention.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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True Leadership Programme https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/true-leadership-programme Tue, 14 Aug 2018 11:54:36 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2758 The post True Leadership Programme appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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A 6 month programme bringing new meaning to the phrase “Lead from within” 

Forget theory and strategy – True Leadership comes from within.  From knowing and understanding our true nature, and acting from that place.  This 6 month programme will be delving into a more peaceful understanding of life, which when taken in deeply cannot help but have profound impacts on how we show up as leaders.  If you are interested in the spiritual, or wondering if there is something more than meets the eye in life, and you care deeply about doing the right thing by your teams, then this programme is for you.

The programme will be run as a small monthly group session in Southend.  The group sessions will be 2 hours long (on the same day each month, tbc), and each month there is the option to have a 121 Skype call with me to discuss any questions that arise for you that month.

true leadership programme

Our rough curriculum will be:

  1. Understanding yourself – who you really are, the true leader within.
  2. Understanding your team – who they really are, and your relationship with them.
  3. Projection Vs behaviour.  What are you really dealing with.
  4. Where does true performance come from?
  5. Where does motivation come from?
  6. True leadership ‘skills’.

Although once you start engaging with this programme you will understand why it’s only a rough curriculum.

There will be a one off payment of £595 for your place on the programme.

At this moment, I am looking to get a feel for interest, and then I will go about setting which day of the month we will go for, (e.g. the Second Monday).  Each session will be recorded, strictly for the use of the group only, so if you miss any, you will still be able to watch online.

Get in touch if this could be something that would interest you, or if you know someone like minded that could be drawn to such a course – please pass on the details.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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Finding Yourself https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/finding-yourself Thu, 09 Aug 2018 14:49:49 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2748 The post Finding Yourself appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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What does finding yourself really mean?

Does it mean working out what your passion is?  Finding a special groove for yourself in the world?  Deciding your next career move?  Working out how to behave in certain situations?  Finding some rules to live life by?

Not in my book.

Finding yourself means not resisting.  It means stopping the struggle, the never ending chase to be ‘good enough’, to fit in, to find that groove, to get it right.  To stop living in the imagined future, or reliving history as though it affects us today.  To stop believing the labels that have been placed on you over your life time, by yourself and others.

Without all of that – no chase, no judgement, no fear or expectation – what remains?

That is who you are.

Most people, when asked this question, answer with the realisation that, without all of that, they would be happy, peaceful, free, content. That is who we are.

Finding yourself thread

Who we appear to be in the world is like a thread in a tapestry.  We can only see what our particular thread is doing, and with our judgements and fears, it could look like we are making a right old mess of it.  That other threads are doing better, or hindering us in some way.  However, we can’t see the bigger picture from our position on the path of our piece of thread.  If we could see the overall picture, we would see the perfection of our individual strand.  Whatever we are doing, we are getting it right.  We are doing the only thing that makes sense to us to do at any given moment.  We are being ourselves.

When we get clear on who we are, stop the judging and the chasing, the journey continues – smoothly.  Enjoyably! That is what finding yourself means to me.   No resistance, no judgement, no denying, just you being you.  The only thing you can be.  Perfect.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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