Butterfly Effect Coaching https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk Butterfly Effect Coaching is a Business Coach, provides Executive Coaching and Personal Coaching Thu, 14 Jun 2018 18:13:01 +0000 en-GB hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.9.6 Wellbeing in the workplace https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/wellbeing-in-the-workplace Thu, 14 Jun 2018 18:10:53 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2655 The post Wellbeing in the workplace appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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I provide bespoke training, seminars and 121s for clients who want to help their employees maintain wellbeing in the workplace.

My approach is totally different to what’s considered the ‘normal’ approach to this currently prolific issue, so I wanted to dedicate this article to how I do things differently and why that’s important.

Stress Strategies

The common approach is to look at the problem of stress as coming from the workplace.  Of it being as a result of 21st Century living with fast paced lives and increased drive for productivity.  Then with that in mind (having reaffirmed to those undertaking the training that stress comes from here) a load of strategies are taught on how to avoid that stress.  Plans to follow.  Action to take.  Essentially MORE things to do, placed as a burden on the shoulders of someone who believes (and has had it confirmed) that they need to be doing less.

My personal experience showed me that it wasn’t until I gave up on doing all the things that are meant to help me to feel at my best, that I actually felt at my best!  It seemed that the harder I was trying to do all the good stuff that’s meant to make us all feel well and happy, the more bogged down I felt.  Quite the opposite of the intended purpose!  I now teach the Inside Out understanding, that our inherent nature is one of wellbeing and peace, and it’s as though we have a psychological immune system that enables us to feel better, without us needing to tamper with it.  All we need to do is look in the right direction.  No strategy, no burden.

Resilience work

Human beings are naturally resilient, so rather than teaching them that they are stressed, broken, unwell – I teach them an understanding of where resilience comes from, so they learn that no matter how busy the workload may be, they always know that they are okay.  Including times when they feel stressed.  This understanding seems to lessen the cycle of stress, and increases awareness from the employee on their resolve and strength.

The Inside Out understanding that I share also assists in creating more compassion within work teams, as they start to identify that they are all the same, all experiencing the ups and downs of life. They see themselves in one another.  Fostering and environment of support and understanding, rather than one of urgency and stress.  So teams become more resilient, not just individuals.

How I work

My company is just me.  I’m not as big or as high profile as some other companies delivering help to organisations, however what my small size allows me to be is very dynamic.  Meaning I can come to you, use your space.  Meet at a time that suits your staff.  Meet as often or as little as feels useful to you.  I can meet you as a team, 121 or a mixture of both.  My approach is friendly and professional (you can check my testimonials if you like).

Hopefully this article has given you a flavour of how different this approach is to other approaches you may have been offered. If you are looking for wellbeing in the workplace, stress reduction and increased resilience, please—before you make any decisions—call me in for a meeting.  Hear all your options before committing.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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How helpful is this understanding? https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/how-helpful-is-this-understanding Sun, 10 Jun 2018 20:09:26 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2642 The post How helpful is this understanding? appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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This understanding changes nothing, yet at the same time, it changes everything.

In a recent conversation with someone close to me about this understanding, the other person stated that it didn’t really matter whether what I was saying was right or wrong, because it doesn’t change anything, we still have to live this life and operate with things as they appear to be.  So it occurs to me that if this person sees things this way when surely others may do too.  Thus an article addressing this point was born!

What is the benefit of knowing this?

All of the behaviour that we look at and don’t like comes from a misunderstanding.  A misunderstanding as to where our wellbeing comes from.  When we know it is always with us, we don’t need to do anything ‘shifty’. Anything that protects our own interest, regardless of what it means to others.  We don’t need to lie, steal, cheat, harm in order to protect or improve ourselves, because we already know we are okay.

Equally if any of these things are done to us, if we are lied to, stolen from, cheated or harmed, we know that we are okay.  No material matter can harm the essence of who we really are.  And with this knowledge we can forgive.  There is no need for anger, retribution or justice to be done. We don’t need to make the behaviour personal.  We know that it is being done from an innocent place of misunderstanding, that’s all.

Further to this, when we know that we are all One, that it doesn’t make any sense at all to harm another person or living thing, because they are us, so we are hurting ourselves.  When we know who we really are, we can feel a sense of ease, of peace, of love – more and more.  From this place of ease and peace and love, our lives become ‘better’.   Sure we won’t feel like that 100% of the time, but when we forget who we really are, remembering again is only around the corner so the suffering (and any harmful behaviour that may result) are short lived if carried out at all.

These are the basic fundamental human to human benefits of knowing this understanding.

To ease suffering

When we have this understanding and suffer, sooner or later this knowing kicks back in, and we remember that our suffering is coming from a place of forgetting that we are always totally okay.  From buying into an idea that we are anything other than whole, perfect and complete.  This simple remembering means that there is nothing we need to do.  We remember that we aren’t broken, we don’t need to fix anything, or change anything, improve ourselves or our circumstances in order to be okay.

Some activities of change may end up playing out, but it comes from a different place.  A place of curious exploration, rather than desperate seeking.

And because we know we aren’t broken, we also know that nobody and nothing else is either.  We are free to see the beauty in every person, situation and moment.

What else?

Well when we know that nothing material can bring happiness, the endless quest to acquire more stuff comes to a rather abrupt end (well it certainly has for me).  It longer makes sense to consume things we don’t actually need.  To buy clothes because we think they will make us look and feel good, to engage in activities that are (when you look into it) harmful to our planet, and to the people involved in producing the products we needlessly consume.  With this reduced need to consume, our need to earn large amounts of money also goes.  We know that we are okay whether we have a Ford Focus or an Audi R8 (the view’s always the same out the window and you still get stuck in traffic).  We can afford to enjoy a life rather than spend our lives making a living.

In work, our approach changes too.  Instead of fearing the outcome of different things, worrying about whether we will get everything done, how our business is perceived and so on and so forth – we are free to play with the experience of having a profession.  To curiously explore what could be possible.  To be okay with trying and failing.  To be able to dust ourselves off and go into the next meeting/pitch unscathed.  To be able to go to our ‘superiors’ (ha!) or our bank manager to make that suggestion without attachment to the outcome.  What would be possible then?

How many hours of worrying do we do a week?  What would we do with this time if we knew that we never needed to worry again?

Thanks for reading. x

how helpful is the inside out understanding

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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My bravest article yet https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/bravest-article-yet Tue, 29 May 2018 12:52:58 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2624 The post My bravest article yet appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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Up until now, all of the articles that I have written about the human experience have been designed to be accessible, to be relatable.  To be read at a level that pretty much anyone could ‘get’ what I’m pointing to.  To gently point readers in a direction slightly different to the one they have been moving in, but without spooking them.

This morning I am struck with an unignorable drive to write something different.  To go further than scratching the surface and to tell you how I really see it.  Not how I see it but watered down in case how I see it isn’t palatable to you.  I realise now that this approach, while it makes sense in many ways, has also been done with maybe a pinch of fear.  With some notion of having something to lose.  While I believe these articles have all had value, and I’m sure I will continue to write more like them – I know that I don’t have anything to lose by going all in, and here’s why.

The way that I understand life now can be simply explained as this:

It’s not how it looks.  Life isn’t a series of things that are happening to us and we are being proactive or reactive about.  Life is an expression of consciousness (or awareness).  What we experience as life all comes from the place of awareness.  It is like a dance or a play unfolding, and we are a participatory audience (like in those immersive theatre experiences).  We are the awareness that watches the play, and we are also in the play.  The play cannot hurt us or elate us really. We can have the experience of being sad or happy whilst immersed in it, however, who we really are is not something that can be hurt.

Make sense?  It goes further than that.  The audience is One. There are no individual members of the audience who are watching/involved in this play. There is one audience, but with billions of different plays unfolding.  Yet we all have the same experience.  We all have the experience of life unfolding before us, appearing as if we are a separate human individual, an ego, a personality, and that we have something to lose or gain.  And that our objective is to ‘win’ at the game of life – whatever that may mean to us.  So we strive.  We strive to be happy, to acquire things/people/experiences that we believe can bring us more happiness.  But none of it can, because all of it is transitory.  If we live our lives seeking happiness from things which are guaranteed to pass (at some point) then we live our lives in insecurity.

However, if we live our lives knowing that we are the awareness from which all experience unfolds, none of it can hurt us.  And we don’t need any of it to make us happy.  We already are happiness.  We are whole and perfect.  We are divine.  We feel that divinity in moments when our thoughts, our ego, drops away.  We live a dance of moving between seeing ourselves as this ego that we believe we are and dropping out of it into peace, happiness and wellbeing.

That peace happiness and wellbeing is always with us. We have nothing to fear.  Nothing to lose.

So it’s with nothing to fear and nothing to lose that I am writing this article.  Going to a place that I know could put some people right off ‘me’, hitting the unfriend button, or just deciding to steer well clear in the future. There was a point in my life when I would have had this reaction too.  But that’s okay.  I know that I am fundamentally fine, even if that’s what everyone thinks of this.

Some people may read this article and think “Hmmmm, I can see what you’re saying but I’m not too sure about it”.  That’s okay too.  Keep looking.  For me it wasn’t an immediate revelation, it’s something that has crept from the background into the foreground over a number of years.

Hopefully some of you will read this and hear something that stops you in your tracks, at least momentarily.  You may not be able to put words to what you feel.  That’s also okay.  You don’t need to.  Just feel it.  That’s the truth/peace/love/happiness of who you are.  Before the ego.  Before thought.  Let’s rest in that place.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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Why do people struggle to switch off from work? https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/people-struggle-switch-off-work Thu, 24 May 2018 12:21:41 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2613 The post Why do people struggle to switch off from work? appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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It’s not (in my opinion) for the reasons you might think…

During mental health awareness week last week, my social media newsfeeds were jammed with advice about work life balance and how important it is to take time for yourself outside of work, so you don’t develop a mental health problem. Sounds like good advice. I have a different perspective on this though so it made sense to write about it.  This article specifically focuses on work place stress.

What is stress?

First of all, stress does not come as a result of workload. In fact, over my years of working with my clients, the stress appears to me to be linked to one’s perceived ability to achieve the amount of work, and a belief that one might not be okay if they don’t.  Two people could have exactly the same volume of work, same boss, same abilities etc, all the conditions the same, but one feels stressed and another doesn’t.

I have also observed people moving in and out of a feeling of stress without the circumstances changing at all.  Stress is a natural emotion that ebbs and flows. Personally I have experienced feeling stressed on a ‘relaxing’ holiday and calm in a ‘difficult’ situation and many of my clients report the same.

I am confident that it’s not the workload. It’s important to point to this. Not because I think people need to get over it, change their thinking, or buck their ideas up. Quite the opposite. When they realise that stress comes and goes regardless of workload, they stop chasing the idea of needing to get the work done in order to stop feeling stressed.

Why some can’t switch off

This leads me nicely on to the second point, which is to look at why it is that some people find it difficult to stop working, or switch off from work once they are back home.  Sometimes people are just super passionate about what they do, so to switch off just doesn’t make any sense to them.  For others, it’s a rather different scenario. One of constant alertness and worry about what needs to be done, or what could go wrong.  This is usually when people who are observing this happen in their loved ones get concerned that they are going to be negatively affected.

The reason that some are troubled enough for it to stay on their mind, long after the workday is done, is because of the misunderstanding that a person’s wellbeing comes from something external. E.g. their job, their salary, their reputation at work, promotion opportunities, and  so on.  If that’s the case, then they believe that something going wrong would mean that they are not okay. If they see their work in this way, and it being all on them to make sure that it doesn’t, then yes they are very likely to experience stress, and find it difficult to switch off from their work.

work stress brought home

I’m writing this article to challenge this understanding.  This belief that how ‘okay’ you are comes from something external.  That you are not okay with these external things being right.  To me, that just doesn’t look true anymore.

Let’s think about it. I strongly doubt that anybody ever lay on their death bed and wished they’d taken their work more seriously. Why is this? It’s because at the point of being close to death they understand something. They understand that they are perfectly fine and have always been. Effort spent pursuing external factors in order to create happiness actually creates the opposite, because we are buying into the idea that we are not okay already.

You are always okay

As I discussed in the article last week – wellbeing is always with us but we forget this, and pay attention to the insecure separate self that it looks like we are.  The one that needs to do well at work.  To be thought of in a certain way.  That needs to earn a certain amount… On our death bed we see through this, and understand that happiness/wellbeing etc. is always with us, and we couldn’t give a hoot what this insecure separate self has been telling us. Our true self knows better. It knows that our wellbeing is nothing to do with how good we are at our job, what our boss thinks of us, whether we do the deal or get the promotion.

Interestingly knowing this doesn’t mean we suddenly start slacking off and become a professional beanbag, who is too at peace to care about their work. It just means that there is a different flavour to the thoughts. When we know we are okay always, we actually tend to work better!  With more passion and creativity.  We can work with the sort of approach we would take to expressing ourselves in an enjoyable way, rather than with stress. Without the pressure of needing to get things right! We may also find it easier to worry less when we are trying to spend time with our families.  This is certainly the experience my clients are reporting having.

I have a seminar coming up soon which will explore this understanding further, if you’re interested!

State of Mind for Business Performance.  Tues 12th June, 09.30 – 11.00 at One Hub, Southend on Sea.  £25.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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Your wellbeing is always with you https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/your-wellbeing-is-always-with-you Fri, 11 May 2018 15:44:50 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2586 The post Your wellbeing is always with you appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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Something that I have alluded to, or touched on briefly in many of my other blog posts is the notion that you are always okay.  Or that your wellbeing is always with you, regardless of circumstances.  I wanted to write another article to expand upon what is meant by this, as I have no doubt that some people may question these statements when they see them.

It’s natural to question these statements, because we have been brought up in a world where we believe that our wellbeing is connected to external events and circumstances, and that our emotions are an indicator of whether we are okay or not.  If you’re feeling happy and peaceful, you’re okay.  If you’re sad or anxious, you’re not okay and you really need to do something about that pronto.

Wellbeing inside out 3 principles

The reality is that it’s the natural human experience to flow between different emotions and to experience states of happiness and sadness, of peace and of anxiety.  To try to resist this is futile.  To try to resist this causes more suffering.  From the moment when we are born, any moment of sadness is met with an adult’s desire to sort it out for us.  As we start to get older we learn to understand the questions they ask as to why we are upset, as they point us in the direction of external circumstances that they believe may be the causing factor.  What if they’d pointed us in a different direction?  What’s if they’d said.  “Oh darling, it’s okay to feel upset, that’s perfectly normal.  It will pass again soon”.  Which is what they would say if they took us to the beach and saw us looking concerned that the tide was going out.  “That’s okay darling, the tide is meant to do that.  It will be back again soon”.

 

The adults are innocent in this.  They were brought up with the same misunderstanding, and also believe that wellbeing comes from the outside, or that wellbeing is an Outside-In job.

The understanding that I teach my clients challenges this misconception, and encourages them (and you) to consider for a minute that this might not be the case.  That maybe their wellbeing comes from the inside.  Sometimes this is misinterpreted as meaning that it’s all on you.  You are responsible for your emotions and should just make yourself happy/get over it/think better thoughts…

That’s not what I’m saying at all.  I’m saying that the way we feel comes from the ebb and flow of our emotions.  Sometimes we’ll feel good, sometimes we’ll feel bad.  Both are totally okay.  Both are totally normal.  What I’m actually saying is that regardless of how you are feeling and how you are perceiving life, before all of that you are always okay.  You are innately well.  Innately happy, loving and peaceful.  Sometimes we don’t see this and get caught up in ideas that things need to be a certain way in order for us to be okay.  However if that was true then we would remain consistently unhappy until the thing changed, wouldn’t we?

I am certain that everyone of us has had the experience of something ‘bad’ happening and feeling totally okay despite this.  Maybe not immediately. Maybe the feeling of okayness came and went, ebbed and flowed over time.  For me, some of my calmest, most peaceful moments have been at ‘bad’ times.  My dog being put to sleep, losing a job, a relationship breaking down.  In each of these moments I have known some of the deepest feelings of peace.  It seems to me that happened because in the moment that I lost the thing that I thought gave me happiness and security, I found out that it didn’t and I was actually okay all along.  So when it happened I felt the peace of knowing that.

You are always okay wellbeing

Equally, we have all had times when we’ve been in what would be considered ‘good’ circumstances, but still felt bad.  Maybe not 100% of the time, but good and bad feelings came and went despite the circumstances being the same.  For instance, at times when we have a great job, or a wonderful partner. Maybe we’re having a really good hair day, have plenty of money, are spending time on holiday. Or maybe we’re at a music festival surrounded by friends. In these ‘good’ circumstances, we can still experience feeling ‘bad’. This happens, because despite the circumstances, our emotions ebb and flow.  Maybe we bought into fear about losing this experience, or worried about what people thought of us (which we cannot know or control!)

Any dips in our emotions are perfectly normal, and they self correct.  Our wellbeing is always with us.  Beneath any feelings of sadness and anxiety, there is always an okayness that is watching this unfold.

That’s what I’m referring to…

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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Dealing with hostility, grudges and conflict in Business https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/dealing-hostility-grudges-conflict Fri, 11 May 2018 08:12:57 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2581 The post Dealing with hostility, grudges and conflict in Business appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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Unfortunately, it pretty common for (at least mild) situations of hostility and conflict to rise within business.  This may be between colleagues, or at times with customers, competitors and suppliers.  These types of situations can also arise within personal situations, between friends, families, partners, sports teams and so on.  It’s one of the areas that I get asked about by my clients a lot.  I actually get asked about it a lot by friends and family as well.  Here’s my take on it, with the understanding that I have.

Why does conflict occur?

To understand how best to deal with conflict, hostility and grudges, we first need to understand why they arise.  Believe it or not, the answer isn’t “because the other person is nasty/inconsiderate”.

It’s always been a belief of mine that no one is inherently ‘bad’ as a human being.  I’ve always had this feeling that people must feel justified in the behaviour that they do, when it doesn’t line up with what feels ‘right’ to me.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not claiming to be Mother Teresa, and suggesting that I have never considered anyone else in a negative way!  But, more often than not, I have had a feeling that “there must be a reason that they are doing this beyond what it looks like to me”.

conflict hostility business

However, we are brought up in a culture of finger pointing and blame.  Of being offended and of punishment for those who have done wrong.  It’s in our newspapers, magazines, TV programmes and conversations with friends and family.  The majority of us have been brought up to believe that someone else can do something wrong to us, and they are at fault and must know they are at fault, so they should apologies and you are justified to be unhappy about it.  As a result, when we feel affronted, we do very little to consider the other person’s position and most likely jump into defensive mode, ready to blame and shame.

However, let’s stop and think about this for a moment…

Have you ever had a situation when someone interpreted your actions or words in a way that they were not intended?  I know I have.

Have you ever been in a situation where you were considered to be the person in the wrong, but felt that your behaviour was justified?  I know I have.

Is it possible that your aggressor could feel the same way too?

Conflict comes from misunderstanding

In any conflict scenario there is always one underlying problem.  The belief of either/both parties that they are not okay and that the behaviour of the other has something to do with that.  This is a deeply held misunderstanding that exists amongst large proportions of the human race, that “okayness” comes from somewhere external.  From your security (physical, financial, emotional). From what others think of you.  From how much peace and quiet you have or don’t have. From what people are asking of you, or not.  From what people do for you, or don’t do. From how much time you have… The list is endless.  Anything that you can imagine that you believe someone else should or should not be doing can be followed by the statement “because I believe I’m not okay if you do/don’t do that”.  It’s our conditioned need to protect ourselves, to have what’s ours.  To hoard and stake claim.  And it’s this belief that creates the sufferingNot what the other party is doing/not doing.  The belief that we are not already enough, less than whole, imperfect as we are.

The other party is the same as you.  They also believe that they need to be doing what they are doing, or you need to be doing what they think you should be doing, or whatever, in order for them to be okay.  And it is this belief that creates their suffering.  So both you and they are looking at each other, believing that conditions need to be as they aren’t in order for you to be okay, and this resistance to what is, is what creates the suffering and conflict.

What if you knew that you are okay regardless of what anyone does/doesn’t do?

Well, if everyone knew this it would be the immediate end of all emotional suffering.  It would mean world peace.  It would be the end of martial strife, and corporate struggle.  Logistical things may still need resolving, but without the emotional sting of “I need this to be this way in order for me to be okay”, our actions would be towards the communal good.  Always.

This might sound like a bit of hippy nonsense.  You might be thinking “Yeah Vicky, but ­­­______ depends on this and xyz might happen if this doesn’t get resolved”.  I get what you’re saying.  I have those kinds of thoughts from time to time as well.  But then I remember that no matter how ‘perfect’ my life may appear to be, if I believe that my wellbeing comes from external circumstances then I am always going to feel insecure.  External circumstances are transitory.  They don’t last.  If you are pinning your wellbeing on something that isn’t going to last, then how can you truly be happy, at peace, content and loving?

If you know that your wellbeing is always with you, then you know that so too is happiness, peace, contentment and love.  And isn’t that all anyone really wants anyway?

Now if you can see what I am saying, you can also feel compassion for the other person in your conflict or hostile situation, or against whom you hold the grudge…. How does that feel differently now…?

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

The post Dealing with hostility, grudges and conflict in Business appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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Your are not your thoughts: Business https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/not-your-thoughts-business Thu, 10 May 2018 12:50:09 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2575 The post Your are not your thoughts: Business appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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What does knowing that you are not your thoughts mean to business professionals?

Clients and people who attend my seminars get taught an understanding which shows them they they are not their thoughts. They are the ever present awareness that comes before thought, and regardless of what thought may be telling then, whatever situation they are experiencing, this awareness is always okay. Has always been okay and will always be okay.

More often than not, once they’ve felt what I’m saying and the relief that brings to them for their personal concerns, the next thing they want to know is what understanding this means for them in business.

 

Business thoughts

If you knew you weren’t your thoughts, what would you do differently in business?

What would it mean to you?

On any given day a variety of thoughts pass through your mind, appearing true. These thoughts might be telling you that you aren’t okay if you don’t get some more clients. That you’d be happier if your colleague was a bit nicer to you. That you have way too much to do, and it’s affecting your family. That you have to pursue this specific goal, or stick to these specific restrictions otherwise there will be problems. If you knew that none of this is telling you anything about who you are and whether you are okay or not, what would you do differently?

Pause now to consider it.

You might not get a specific idea right now, but can you see what I’m pointing to?

Thoughts come and go, moods ebb and flow. Who we are remains constant. With this knowledge we are free. The flavour of our thoughts changes. We start noticing that we are behaving differently. Noticing new opportunities, being more compassionate with our colleagues. Having fresh, creative ideas. Making our sales calls without fear…

It’s not intentional behaviour that you do because you feel you should. Quite the opposite. You just find yourself making these changes. Your old behaviour may not make sense to you anymore, or new ways of being just flow from you without any effort.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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The State of Mind & Performance talk, with Garret Kramer https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/state-mind-performance-garret-kramer Tue, 01 May 2018 16:55:02 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2566 The post The State of Mind & Performance talk, with Garret Kramer appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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What I noticed, from observing the room…

Yesterday I had the absolute pleasure of presenting alongside my mentor and friend Garret Kramer, to a room of over 50 business professionals on the subject of State of Mind and Performance.  I feel compelled to write about the experience, both as a speaker, and as an observer of the room taking in the message that we were imparting.

Firstly, I wanted to comment on the turn out.

The fact that so many people took their Monday morning (classically a very busy time of the week) to come and listen to this talk shows me very clearly that this is an important topic.  People want to do well in business, and understand that their state of mind has something to do with it.  I opened the talk with the request that people put to one side their pre-conceived ideas of what a seminar on State of Mind for performance would actually be discussing, because our talk would be breaking the mould a little.  Well, with Garret by my side, we smashed the mould apart!

While I can’t claim to know what is going on in anyone’s head, by the expressions on people’s faces it looked very much to me like different people were at different places of understanding at different times.  We would expect nothing less when talking about something so radically different to what is usually bandied about on the topic of state of mind for performance.  I saw smiling, nodding faces.  Frowning, almost cross looking faces.  Faces that were twisted with what looked like an expression of kind of getting it, kind of not.  I saw faces that looked completely clear, with a look like a weight had been lifted.  Faces etched with laughter.  I saw many faces move in and out of all of those different expressions!

Why is that?

Well as Garret and I described, the fundamental human experience is one of moving between Who We Really Are (the True Self) and the ego/separate self we believe ourselves to be.  Which of course means that during the talk, at different points, the members of the audiences are moving between states of seeing who they really are – at those times they would experience happiness, love, connection, peace etc.  At other times the ego-self will be kicking up, making a bit of stink, trying to keep a grip on the situation, appealing to the intellect to take back over and disagreeing with what is being said.

The same will be happening after the talk.  Some will have left feeling it was a waste of time and they didn’t get what they wanted out of it, but hours/days later will see something complete different, as they move into who they really are.  For others the reverse will happen. Initially walking out floating on clouds, knowing that they’ve seen something special, but at a later point the ego may try to get a grip again and look to back to intellect.

All of this is good, all of this is okay.

There is no one experience which is any more right that the other.  People will see this when they are ready to see it.  All Garret and I can do is point in this direction, and depending on where the individual members of the audience are, they will perceive it in any given way.  The more they look in this direction, the more the seeing will filter through into the day to day experience.

The session was aimed with Business Performance in mind, yet interestingly the majority of the questions had nothing to do with business.  Again, this is understandable.  When delving into this kind of topic, the first question we are going to ask ourselves is “What does this mean to me?”  Personally, I would like those of you who are in business to see this benefits of having this understanding unfolding in your companies.  So if you were in the audience, I’d like to ask you to consider this…

“What have you learnt that could affect the decisions you make in business?” and/or “What behaviours can you see yourself doing differently with this understanding?” 

The best stuff comes from you, rather than from us.

For those who are curious to explore this further, or those who didn’t manage to make it along, I am going to be doing more seminars.  Just me this time.  I will orientate towards business performance, leadership etc.  I am also available for 121 coaching too, or seminars within your workplace.  The next seminar will likely be in the first week or two of June.  More information will be shared soon.  Thanks again for coming along!

Garret Kramer & Vicky Kelly - State of Mind & Performance

Garret Kramer & Vicky Kelly – State of Mind & Performance

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

The post The State of Mind & Performance talk, with Garret Kramer appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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You don’t need self belief to be successful… https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/self-belief-successful Sat, 14 Apr 2018 18:29:54 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2540 The post You don’t need self belief to be successful… appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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“The one thing that the most productive, consistent, resilient and loving humans do NOT possess, is an intense belief in themselves…” 

Garret Kramer

Talking to a friend today, telling her the story of how I came to be presenting with a speaker as awesome as Garret Kramer, I realised that this story confirms what people like Garret and I teach… That believing in yourself is really NOT important.  So I thought I would share that story with you.  It goes a little something like this:

 

self belief

How important IS self belief…?

Little old me is working as a coach and believes that bringing the Inside Out understanding into being a significant part of the way that I work would be hugely beneficial to my clients.  Little old me hears of Garret Kramer from another coach who is in the business, thinks he sounds interesting and starts following his work.

Meanwhile I have 2 very good friends who are in this understanding and I found myself sharing things with them that Garret says in his posts on social media and how it really resonated with me.  At this time I did not exist to Garret.  I also found myself sharing with these 2 friends that I would like to be on a year long programme to really propel myself to the next level.  A little while later one of these friends hears that Garret is running a programme and that it starts in two months’ time. She excitedly tells me! Well of course I wanted to be on it, so I speculatively enquired.

This enquiry led to a Skype interview with Garret in which he told little old me that he thinks I am a very good coach and he’d be delighted to have me on his programme.  I got off the call and thought how hilarious it was that I’d managed to pull the wool over his eyes!

Prior to the course beginning I started to feel a bit anxious…

Entertaining thoughts about how I actually wasn’t good enough to be on this course and I’d show myself up.  Or even worse, the exposure to this course would propel me into great success.  How was little old me going to deal with that!?

Fortunately, because I have this understanding that Garret and I both teach, I know that neither of those things are true. They are just thought. There is also no way that this course could affect me positively or negatively as I am already whole.  So I buckled up and got on with it!  Regardless of what my self belief was saying.

Less than a month into the course I’m chatting to Garret about the work I am doing locally and next thing I know he’s offering to do a talk with me to people in my area.  Once again I come off the Skype call and laugh to myself about how I’ve still got the wool over his eyes.  Garret Kramer, top coach to professional athletes and well known business people, doing a talk in Leigh on Sea with little old me?!  Hilarious!

And then I panic about how I’m going to show myself up during the talk!

I am writing this now, laughing.  Those feelings and those thoughts felt so real, but I am doing this talk anyway.  Sometimes those feelings are there, a lot of the time they are not.  But I know that I’m fundamentally okay. There is nothing crushing about those thoughts, because I know they aren’t telling me anything real or true.  They are simply my ego looking to protect itself. Nothing more.

So having a deep belief in myself is neither here nor there.  How the event goes is neither here nor there.  Of course I care about how it goes, and I want it to be a success and for me to be perceived as knowing what I’m talking about, but I know that whether it is successful is nothing to do with my self belief – and it will not affect whether I am okay or not.  What a relief!  I can just get on with it and maybe even enjoy it…

Coming back to the original statement – getting a talk with Garret in your home town actually counts as a MASSIVE success (in my book, to me, which is all that success ever can be anyway) and I have achieved this despite not having the belief in myself that top motivational speakers will tell you you need.  Believing that you need self belief is just another pressure, another weight to bear…  If you drop the idea that you need to believe in yourself too, how much freer will you be?

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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Why can’t we all stick to schedules? https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/cant-stick-schedules Fri, 13 Apr 2018 15:21:24 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2533 The post Why can’t we all stick to schedules? appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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You know that bit of you that doesn’t like being told what to do? 

I know it well, it’s a part of the reason I’m self-employed.  Well do you think that part of you likes being told what to do by YOU anymore than it likes being told what to do by anyone else?  Could that explain why a lot of your best intentions for yourself never quite come off…?

For instance…

…Geoff thinks on Monday that he should do some sales calls every day of the week. However he doesn’t take into consideration how he is going to feel on say Thursday.  If doing sales calls feels like a good idea on Monday, that’s a good time to do some sales calls.  On Monday!  Whether Geoff does sales calls on Thursday or not will depend on how he feels, what he’s thinking and how much he is buying into different ideas of what are important ways to spend his time.  He’s not going to take what Geoff on Monday thought he should do on Thursday any more seriously than say his old school teachers telling him not to tip back on his chair.

Thought is constantly changing, so what feels like it’s a great idea one minute can feel like a crushing burden the next.  Only so far as we buy into our thoughts being true and real…

time management and schedules

What things have you set out for yourself that you should be doing?  What state were you in when you decided you should do those things?  What state are you in when you think about them now?  And at the time you are meant to do them?  Is it the same state every time?  Of course not.  Our state of mind constantly fluctuates.  This is totally normal.  It’s the human condition.  So if we don’t feel like doing something on the Thursday that we set out for ourselves to do on the Monday, does that mean that we should beat ourselves up for not being motivated?  If something else feels more important, should we beat ourselves up for not being disciplined enough to stick to our plan?  If we are just feeling totally ‘meh’ and end up not doing anything at all, does that mean we should beat ourselves up for not using our time productively…?

No to all of these.

Consider what could happen if you said yes though…? Does this feel helpful? How about we just understand ourselves instead.  Understand that we are humans beings who are prone to fluctuations in mood.  When we treat ourselves with understanding we tend to perform better.

What if we go a step further and recognise what these thoughts and feelings that sway us into what feels like more negative behaviour are actually about (although of course we can never know for sure that it is negative. We don’t get to see the Sliding Doors scenario of what the rest of our lives would be like if we’d done the ‘positive’ behaviour).  In short, all of them can be drilled down to the notion that we might not be okay…

“I can’t phone that client, they might not be very nice to me and I won’t be okay if that happens”

“I can’t go for a run, it’s cold outside and it makes my lungs burn.  I’ll be much more okay if I stay in my centrally heated office”

“I can’t speak to my colleagues about my ideas on the way I think the processes could be run.  I’m not as experienced as them, they might laugh at me and I wouldn’t be okay”.

All of these ‘not okay’ thoughts are the same.

They are all falsely pointing to the idea that our okayness comes from something external.  That isn’t true.  The okayness is always there and has always been there.  In your moments of total elation and darkest despair.  And in those ‘meh’ moments too.  A fundamental knowing that you are always okay.  When you look for it, you know it’s there.  You can feel the truth of it.

Something that happens to people who delve into this understanding is that the sense of knowing that they are always okay seeps more and more into the foreground and the “I might not be okay” thoughts fade into the background.  As a result, things can feel lighter and behaviour changes…

There’s a chance to learn more about this understanding…

On Monday 30th April, 09.00 – 12.00 in Leigh on Sea, I will be joined by Garret Kramer, author of “Stillpower” and “The Path of No Resitance” to give a seminar on State of Mind & Performance to professionals locally.

More information and tickets are available here.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

The post Why can’t we all stick to schedules? appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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