Butterfly Effect Coaching https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk Butterfly Effect Coaching is a Business Coach, provides Executive Coaching and Personal Coaching Thu, 13 Dec 2018 12:31:31 +0000 en-GB hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.0.1 The Ego. The beginner’s guide to true nature series. https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/the-ego-the-beginners-guide-to-true-nature-series Thu, 13 Dec 2018 12:17:31 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=3202 The post The Ego. The beginner’s guide to true nature series. appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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This is the 3rd in a series of blog posts.  A beginner’s guide, if you will!  We’ve looked at who we are, the idea of us being identified with a separate body, and how this then gives birth to the ego.  Today we’re going to delve into the ego a bit more.  If you missed the first two, the link to the first is here: Beginners guide to true self

 

The ego

First of all, it’s important to note that the ego is not a bad guy and something that needs to be got rid of.  If you are on a quest to get rid of your ego, good luck to you, let me know how you get on!  Here’s why I think that is unlikely.  To me, it looks as though there is an idea of a separate me, a separate mind if you will, that allows ‘me’ to experience as Vicky.  Without this illusion of separation, it would be difficult to relate to objects, people, events and so on.  The individual mind is like the prism through which the light is shone, and our experience is the separate colours.  So it is very much meant to look like there is distinction in experience.  Yet all of experience is the same thing.  Consciousness, shining the light of thought through an apparently individual mind.  In no other way is experience possible.  Don’t believe that statement?  Check it for yourself.  Can you experience anything without consciousness?

 

Take away the ego/localised mind and you take away the prism.  We dissolve back into consciousness and cannot continue to experience life in the glorious technicolour that we currently know it.  So that’s not the objective here.  What we are simply looking to do is see beyond the limited ideas of the ego.  The ego is like a scanner or a trouble-shooter.  Constantly seeking out problems and making comparisons.  Looking at how this apparently separate ‘me’ fairs compared to these apparently separate others.  If I don’t fair well, then I’m not good enough.  If I fair well, then I’m in danger of losing what I have.  This is an extremely limited perspective and has us living in fear and struggle.  When we see the perspective that who we are is not limited to that (as explored in the previous 2 posts in this series – we are not limited to our bodies) we are also not limited to our individual minds – we can feel the peace and ease that comes with knowing that there is nothing that we need to do to be okay, at the level that is the truth of who we really are.

Go back to the exercise we did in the first post, but this time imagine that it is your personality that you are taking away.  So close your eyes and imagine that any thoughts you have about ‘how things ought to be’ go away, does the sense of you still remain?  When ideas of what’s happened to you in the past go, are you still there?  When thoughts of your name, your place in the world, whether you are shy, outgoing, fun to be around, a grumpy git drop away, are you still there?  The answer is an undeniable yes.  So who we are is not our body, and it’s also not our ideas of us as a separate personality.

We’ll delve into this more in future posts!

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

The post The Ego. The beginner’s guide to true nature series. appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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True nature. Be-ing you. The beginner’s guide series. https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/true-nature-being-human Mon, 26 Nov 2018 21:55:50 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=3068 The post True nature. Be-ing you. The beginner’s guide series. appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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Last week we began by exploring the body and saw how the essence of us does not appear to live within the body. (If you missed that blog post you can find it here).  We’re going to explore this a bit further today.

true nature being human

 

Human Be-ing 

Did you know that neuroscientists have worked hard to find the origin of consciousness inside the brain, but as yet, they have been unsuccessful!?

Before exploring this understanding of our true nature, we would have believed that consciousness resides within the brain and that we are human beings, having an experience of a fixed external world.  Now doubt has been cast on that idea.  We cannot be sure that we are an individual human with an internal sense of awareness.  We can be sure that there is a sense of awareness.  And within that awareness, a sense of ‘us’ is experienced.  So, let’s look a little bit closer at the ‘us’ we’ve assumed ourselves to be.

What we seem to have is a localised sense of self.  It seems to be linked to our body, as we have awareness of sensations of the body.  Yet when we dream, do we not also have sensations of the body?  Do we not also experience sight, sound, smell, taste, pain and pleasure as though the experience in the dream is real and is happening to our actual physical body?

Can we actually know our body, without sensation, without awareness?  Of course not.  We know “I am” and within the sense of “I am” we know the sense of a body.  From birth, we are taught that is “your” body and this is “my” body.  Eventually, we take that understanding on as truth – since everyone around us is pointing in that same direction.  And thus the idea of a separate self is born.  NOT at the moment that our actual body is born.

The idea of a distinction between you and me creates two things.  Comparison and a need to ensure that this apparently separate entity of me survives.  Aka, the ego.  We explore this more in the next instalment, which you can find here!  For now, let’s leave it at the understanding that a human be-ing, is when the sense of being (aka I am/consciousness) is aware of a body, but that this same ‘being’ is not limited to the body.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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Obsessed with success https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/obsessed-with-success Thu, 22 Nov 2018 17:41:01 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=3052 The post Obsessed with success appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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Life is a quest.  A quest for success. 

Life is a quest.  A quest for success.  A quest to be the very best version of yourself that you can be.  To strive and become good at your trade, to earn money, respect and recognition.  To be accomplished, an expert in your field.  And ultimately, to earn lots of money, feel secure and happy.

Life is a quest.  A quest for success.  Because anything less is a failure.  Anything less means you are not good enough, lazy, lacking.  Means you aren’t liked or respected.  Means you lack significance and your life lacks meaning. If you’re not successful you’ll be poor, unhappy and insecure.

If we promote the first paragraph, we also promote the second.  Through making success the most important thing, we are suggesting that to be anything less than your best, would be to fail.  And that failure is unacceptable.  How does that feel, as a way to live your life?  Does pursuing success still feel like the path to happiness?  Or does it feel like a lifetime of tension, having the jaws of failure snapping at your heels?  Of constantly having to work harder, be better, excel, just to have self-acceptance.

 

quest for success

I’d like to table the notion that success is not the be all and end all.

Not wishing to take anything away from anybody who has worked hard, achieved, excelled and so forth.  If that’s what you’ve done, that’s great.  If you have done it, you’ll already know that it’s not the path to lasting peace and happiness.  It can’t possibly come from there, because there is no end point to the pursuit of success.  Each individual ‘success’ will come with the temporary relief and happiness of not seeking and feeling the absence of whatever you were trying to achieve.  But after the dust has settled, the attention goes back to comparison, to lack, to a need to be better, to be good enough.  Lasting happiness simply can’t be found there.

Instead of striving and excelling to find happiness, how about looking at life in a different way.  How about exploring the understanding that ‘who you are’ does not need to be successful to be whole, perfect and happy.  You already are, you’ve just been looking in the wrong direction.  With this different understanding, of who we really are – our true selves, we are free. There is no such thing as failure.  Only the unfolding of experience.  That unfolding may still see us pursuing careers, education, sporting prowess and so forth.  But we aren’t doing it to get anywhere, or to avoid anything.  We are doing it for the love of it.  We have nothing to lose and nothing to gain, we can just act from love.

Imagine, if all your actions were for the love of it – work/sport/education becomes a beautiful expression of your true nature.  Let’s look there.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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A beginner’s guide to the true self. https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/a-beginners-guide-to-true-self Tue, 20 Nov 2018 12:27:58 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=3040 The post A beginner’s guide to the true self. appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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Understanding the ‘You’ that underpins my work

I’ve decided to write a series of brief blogs to introduce you to understanding I refer to within the coaching model I use.  This will be a series of brief blogs, which each give you a little food for thought, and will build week by week.

true self

The first place we need to start is with the idea of who “you” are.  Most of us will have some kind of idea that we are “Vicky” and that we are 37, able-bodied, live with our partner, run our own business, live in Essex and so on and so forth.  We have an identification with a body, a name, a place, an age, an activity and all of that comes under an umbrella that we consider to be “me”.  That’s very reasonable.  After all, it’s what we’ve been taught to believe since our body appeared on the earth.  All of our activities and efforts are centred on making sure that this idea of “me” is okay, is doing well in the world.

Yet, there’s something about living our lives in this way that doesn’t feel right.  Something about identifying with this body and story, seems a bit, well, off.  If you forget the description for a while and close your eyes, you can still feel that sense of “me”, can you not?  If you were to imagine that your legs were no longer there – you can still feel that sense of you, right?  What about if we removed your arms?  It’s still there, isn’t it?  Now your torso is gone.  But you’re not gone, are you?  And now your head has just vanished too, but the sense of you remains, doesn’t it?  So that sense of you that we’ve always assumed comes part and parcel with this body that we have, when inspected more closely, doesn’t actually live in the body.  In fact, it’s the other way around!  The sense of your body lives within you.  Investigate this, and see if you can feel this understanding for yourself…  You can only have the experience of having a body, through the knowing of it.  THAT is who you are.  You are the knower.  Your body, life, personality, age etc is the known.  You are the awareness within which the experience of being a human “Vicky” (and every other person for that matter) happens.

Let me know if you have any questions.  Here is the link to the next instalment if you’re ready: Being Human

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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Reading this post could be life changing https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/life-changing Tue, 13 Nov 2018 07:42:50 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=3005 The post Reading this post could be life changing appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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The term “life changing” can be so emotive.

A life-changing injury.  A life-changing opportunity.  Having children will change your life.  Being a victim of a crime or trauma is life-changing.  A chance encounter with a stranger could change your life.  And so on and so forth.

So many assertions on how our lives are/could be changed by external events and circumstances.  A belief that will have us living cautiously (or recklessly depending on how we see it).  That will have us seeking out the next miracle cure, next bit of self-development, or adequate insurance and self-defence classes.

life changing leaves

What’s at the heart of the emotional pull of the life-changing concept?

The idea that either:

  1. We aren’t fully okay now and we need our life to change for the better.
  2. We are okay now, but all of that could be lost at any moment and we need to prevent it.

Well, what if I told you that neither of these things are true?  Very easy to believe, yes.  True, no.

The idea that life needs to change, or something life-changing could happen (good or bad) is the work of the ego.  Reasonable and understandable of course.  Because the ego is an apparently ‘separate’ self.  One that is limited by its body, mind and circumstances.  One that sees itself as fixed, tangible, finite.  One for whom things appear favourable or unfavourable.  Which seeks change or fears lack.  And so, from this perspective, it’s normal to seek, or want to avoid life-changing stuff.

But what if we didn’t identify as the separate self?  What if we could see that who we are is not that body/mind/ego.  If we saw that the body/mind/ego is being experienced by who we are.  What if we didn’t buy into the ego’s ideas of how things should be for us to be okay and took a different perspective?

We would experience peace NOW.  Not when, if or after.  Now.  Because peace is our true nature.  We would see the simple joy in knowing that there is nothing that we could gain or lose which can affect whether we are okay or not.  And seeing that is deeply freeing.  Seeing that IS life changing.  It allows us to play the game of life.  Not to try to win at it.  To see the perfection of every moment, without seeking or resisting.  How can we win at life?  That is impossible.  Life is a constantly changing, out of our control stream of events and circumstances that unfold as they unfold.  We are the constant, the observer that is always okay no matter what.

Knowing this, go and play!

(And as you play, keep glancing back in this direction.  Stay in the conversation about your true nature, and where lasting peace and happiness really come from.)

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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Self-care Vs knowing yourself https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/self-care-vs-knowing Wed, 07 Nov 2018 14:14:27 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2963 The post Self-care Vs knowing yourself appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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Why self-care isn’t as caring as it appears.

At the moment my social media feeds are full to bursting with articles and advertisements on the importance of self-care.  These articles go into how important it is to look after yourself and what could happen if you don’t, before eventually going into ideas of different things that people can do to look after themselves.  That might include things like:

  • Setting aside ‘me-time’
  • Meditating every day
  • Going to yoga or pilates
  • Taking time out with friends or family
  • Practising mindfulness
  • Clean eating

All worthwhile activities, many of which I engage in personally.  However, there is a problem with the nature of the self-care message.

By promoting the idea that self-care is important, and that if we don’t do it we’re in trouble, we’ve created a society who now feel stressed because they don’t have time for the self-care that they believe is essential to their wellbeing.  Or who are taking part in self-care activities but with a huge expectation on what they should be doing for them. Something is a bit off here, so let’s investigate!

self care meditation

No time for self-care

If you believe that your worth, well-being, happiness and security comes from what you do in life, what you get out of life, your external experience and being ‘good enough’ (which, let’s face it, we’ve all been conditioned to believe is the case), then all things that you think you need to spend your time doing in order to be okay all still look really important.  So self-care is another thing on the to-do list.  Another thing to get ‘right’.  Another thing that there will be trouble if it’s not done.  Gulp!

So while we might engage in self-care activities from time to time, how beneficial are they if there is a fear of not doing them attached?  And if we are still looking at a million other things that seem important?!  So our behaviour might change, but how we feel doesn’t.

High expectations of self-care activities

In my experience, I have noticed that there are 2 outcomes to having high expectations of self-care (some people will experience both).

  1. The expectations of what the activity should do for you are so high, that you are frustrated and disappointed by it often.  This is experienced because the idea that we need this activity to create a certain feeling means that we start it with an absence of the feeling, and the harder we chase it, the more frustrated we can get.  By spending the activity waiting for the arrival of the good feeling we spend the activity experiencing ‘not having’.
  2. Sometimes the activity does seem to bring about a good feeling.  Here’s why.  If you believe that you need to go to yoga to have peace of mind, then – until you go to yoga – you will experience the absence of peace of mind, because you believe you need the yoga to achieve it.  Once you’re doing the yoga, you temporarily believe you have what you need, so the seeking stops and peace of mind follows.  So it’s not actually the self-care that creates the peace of mind, is the relief from the idea that we need something that we don’t already have.  And if it looks like this peace came from the activity, then it won’t be long before we think that we need the activity again and experience a corresponding absence of peace.

Great, now I have NO idea what to do!

Without a change in your understanding of who you are, what’s important and where your wellbeing comes from, our reasons for doing the things which mean we don’t have time for self-care, do not go away.  If we’re suffering because we believe we need to do x many hours of work, please/look after y people, achieve z goals – no amount of walking in the woods is going to change the tension that comes with those beliefs, so any benefits experienced from self-care will be short-lived.

You can see the truth in this, but it doesn’t feel that helpful to know, right?

So let me point you in a direction that makes sense.  By all means, engage in any of these activities, especially if you really like doing them.  And whilst engaging (or not) remember that the most caring thing you can do for yourself is changing your understanding of who the ‘self’ is, and what this ‘self’ needs to be okay.

The self that thinks it needs care is not who we really are.  It’s our ego.  We are buying into the thoughts of a completely unsatisfiable ego that believes life needs to be a certain way for us to be able to be okay.  Lasting peace and wellbeing doesn’t come from satisfying the ego.  It’s can’t, because the ego cannot be satisfied!  The good news is that lasting peace and happiness comes from recognising that the ego isn’t who we are.

Consider this:  If you put aside of all your thoughts on what you need, and what you are trying to achieve, what is left behind when it comes to “I”?  Without a name, a body, a gender or agenda – this “I” is peaceful, content, happy.  That’s the true ‘self’.  That self doesn’t need anything.  Want to take care of yourself? Look back to who your ‘self’ really is.  Look there whenever you remember, and rest in that space for a little while.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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Don’t follow your dreams https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/dont-follow-your-dreams Tue, 30 Oct 2018 13:28:04 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2946 The post Don’t follow your dreams appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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WTF?  A coach, writing an article entitled “Don’t follow your dreams?”  What next, a nutritionist telling you to eat processed food?

The coaching world is absolutely choc-a-bloc with articles and courses on how to smash your goals, make your dreams come true and change your world.  All of them look so enticing!  I mean, to the person who believes that their sense of discontent or unease comes from not living a life which is meaningful/to their full potential/wildly fabulous, of course it would make sense that following their dreams is the right thing to do.  But that feeling of discontent or unease doesn’t come from there.  And that’s why I’m writing this blog post.  To challenge the belief that following dreams is going to lead to some promised land of lasting peace and happiness.

To put it as simply as possible – the feeling of unrest comes from the misunderstanding of who we really are.  From believing ourselves to be finite, separate people.  Believing ourselves to be 7.5 billion minds and bodies going around trying to get happiness from experiences of the mind and body.  This approach is unsustainable, as the mind/body/ego can always come up with more things that we need in order to achieve happiness, thus preventing us from fully experiencing it.  When we stop seeing ourselves as separate and isolated individuals and realise that we are all expressions of one consciousness, we lose the feeling of unrest.  Without the conditions of our external life needing to change.

According to the Tao Te Ching – the Great Dao’s needs are very few and simple.  It’s when we absorb the tradition of the social dao (or take on the expectations in our culture, as the ego) our needs escalate without limit, creating competition and strife.  My interpretation is that the Great Dao refers to the one consciousness we all share.  Understood in our westernised ways, if we stopped seeing ourselves as solo individuals, and instead saw ourselves as an expression of the one consciousness, following our goals would no longer seem as important.  That doesn’t mean that we would drop them necessarily, but they would certainly take on a lightness, as we realise that we don’t need to be doing a particular thing, following a career, becoming a parent, running our own business (and so on and so forth) in order to be happy.  This is hugely freeing, and interestingly, can mean our input into our pursuit of this goal actually gets better – because we don’t fear the risks we may have to take to get there.  However, that’s just a happy outcome, not the purpose of looking more deeply at who we are.

There is another angle to consider.  This Great Dao, one consciousness expressed as 7.5 billion humans, does have a few human needs.  When you see yourself as one part of that whole, rather than separate to it, and feel the love that arises when thoughts of a ‘separate you’ drop away – what is important?   Looking after the separate self, or looking after the whole?  If everyone followed their separate dreams, who would collect the bins?  Work the sewage treatment plants?  Operate our vital, yet less socially desirable, services?

If everyone followed their dreams, would it work?

Is it working right now?

A few years ago, a friend gave me a small trinket with the words inscribed:

“There is no set path, just follow your heart”

Let your heart lead you home, to the understanding that you are not separate.  When you see the absence of separation, there is no path, you are already happy – and what makes sense to you to pursue from there comes from wholeness, completeness.  I’d trust that over the dreams of the ego, any day.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

The post Don’t follow your dreams appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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Not all coaching is created equal. https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/not-coaching-created-equal Tue, 23 Oct 2018 14:58:59 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2927 The post Not all coaching is created equal. appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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The path into using a coach goes a little bit like this:

You feel that something is missing.  You feel that something isn’t quite right.  You feel that in some way your life, or your business or your job needs to be, in some way, better.  Or perhaps you think you need a partner, or you need your partner to behave better or anything along those lines.  There is some kind of sense of lack, and it’s that sense of lack that draws you to seek out a coach.

So how do you decide which coach is right for you?

Well, it really depends on who is asking – whether it’s the completely unsatisfiable ego that will always have that sense of lack.  Yes, okay maybe it will have moments of temporary happiness when it briefly ceases seeking, on the achievement of that thing you think you need.  But the ego thrives on comparison, on getting things right, on being good enough.  So it won’t stay satisfied for long.

So, you go to a coach because you have a sense of lack and you don’t want that sense of lack anymore.  Do you want a coach who is going to teach you about that sense of lack?  To help you to know what that sense of lack is really telling you, and how you can look in a different direction, so you have an entirely different understanding of what is the “best” that you could get out of life?

OR do you go to a coach who will buy into that sense of lack with you?  Who will agree that you’re right that something is missing and will then make it their mission to help you to find what that is and help you to achieve it?  Now, I can absolutely see that the second option is incredibly appealing.  I have been caught in that trap in the past!  It’s easy to fall for it.  Our ego is in our ears daily (and for some people who’s thoughts keep them awake, night too) that we need xyz to be okay.  So if there is somebody who is promising to help you (or even is successfully helping you already) to find that thing then, of course, you’re going to want to explore that.  And it’s not for me to tell you not to.

coaching journey

What if you’ve already explored that?  Let’s say you’ve already pursued your purpose and you still have a sense of lack.  Let’s say you worked out what you were meant to be doing and you successfully got there (if you didn’t get there, this next part is just as important), but that sense of lack popped back up again (or never retreated in the first place), then what?  Well let me tell you, you’re one of the lucky ones.  If you’re starting to get a sense of knowing that ‘filling in gaps of lack’ isn’t working when it comes to finding lasting happiness (because your ego will never tire of finding more things for you to lack), you’re open to looking at something different.

So when somebody wants change – perhaps they are wanting a different job, maybe they want to overcome a fear of something, they want to grow their business, or whatever… they can look to something different.  They can look to a coach who will help them make sure that they know where well-being, lasting peace, happiness and contentment actually come from.  Then that way they are free to pursue those things, but without the misplaced idea that they are going to bring lasting happiness.  Because it just doesn’t work that way (fortunately – it’s actually much easier than that).  And if you know that you are in the lucky few.

The lucky few start being guided to look in a different direction.  They start looking within.  Looking to a different understanding of who we are.  Looking to the source of all peace, all happiness – and it doesn’t require any kind of struggle or strife to find it.   And once this need to fill the apparent gaps has gone, their actions become freer.  They become more authentic.  Less fearful. More inspired.  So funnily enough, they’re more inclined to take the actions that may get them to the goal.  Safe in the knowledge that they/you/we don’t need to get there.  Because we are already whole, already complete.

That’s the type of coach I am.  The coach who will point you to that.  Not all coaching is created equal.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

The post Not all coaching is created equal. appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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Calling out the ego https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/calling-out-the-ego Mon, 15 Oct 2018 07:42:49 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2912 The post Calling out the ego appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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Not a day goes by when there isn’t fodder available for the ego to reinforce itself with.  

Whether that’s in the form of apparently inspiring quotations about what we can achieve.  In references made which connect certain events with certain feelings, as if there is a direct causal link.  Whether it’s in a conversation in which we are asked to describe ourselves, or asked what we think about something.  Asked how much money we make, or what our house is like.  Or whether it’s in the separation of groups rallying against other groups.

In current western society, this kind of reference is always there.  So it takes a willingness to go against the grain, to break the mould, to seek to do the opposite.  To point out that the egoic separate self is not who we really are.  And this notion will be met with fear, derision and confusion, just as much as it is met with awe, wonder and laughter.

So why do it?

Why point out to anyone that they aren’t their ego?  Well, simply put, because the ego is at the centre of all suffering.  The very nature of the ego is the idea of separation, lack, needing to be good enough.  The ego is what seeks and what resists.  The ego cannot be satisfied.  It can experience temporary relief, but never lasting happiness.

So if the ego isn’t the centre of happiness, why make it the centre of existence?  It doesn’t make sense.

Calling out the ego

What does make sense is to point away from what we are not, to what we are.  Or another way of explaining this is going back to the essence of the self before anything has been put on it.  If you leave behind ideas of your name, your job, financial, health or relationship status.  Leave behind any stories of what’s bothering you, or what you need.  Leave that behind for just a few moments and explore what’s left.  The fundamental essence.

What we’re left with is pure awareness.  Awareness that has no shape or size.  No preference or desires.  No limits. No fear or shame.  No concept of being good enough.  Awareness that just is.  If awareness has no limits, how many awarenesses can there be?  Only one.  Not billions.  One.

When we look in this direction, when the stories of the ego go quiet, we can see and feel that who we really are is unconditional peace and happiness.  That this is no separate you and me.  That the ego character with which we navigate life isn’t who we really are. Suddenly our needs, wants and desires are less important.  They no longer cause us to suffer.  To act in a way that isn’t in alignment with our true self.  We are free to live unconditionally.  To be able to approach any situation with love and understanding.  Imagine if every ego character approached life in this way…

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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Scotland Retreat – April 26th-29th 2019 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/scotland-retreat-april-26th-29th-2019 Fri, 28 Sep 2018 12:41:20 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=2878 The post Scotland Retreat – April 26th-29th 2019 appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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Scotland Retreat – April 26th-29th 2019

Space, tranquility, conversation – an exploration of our true nature…

Along with my wonderful colleagues Sara Priestley & Ali Scott, I’m pleased to be offering a relaxing, immersive and eye-opening experience for those who wish to deepen their understanding of our true nature.  Within beautiful Scottish landscapes, it’s a chance to leave everything behind for a few days and share a conversation on a uniquely different perspective of life, that unites us all and relieves us of the idea that we are separate and isolated.

The retreat will be a weekend gathering in Central Scotland, 26-29th April 2019. It will be a simple opportunity to hear more of the understanding we each share in a small group setting. There will be lots of opportunities to ask the questions that you’ve always wanted to, make new friends and to enjoy the beautiful surroundings.

Your Hosts

Ali Scott shares this understanding through her coaching, speaking and writing, often working with parents. She tenaciously points to true nature with a fierce love.

Vicky Kelly is often found working with the business Community. She blends a clear understanding and love for truth with gentleness and good humour.

Sara Priestly teaches coaches and anyone looking to explore this understanding further. She has a poetic way with words, and always resolutely points back to who we are.

What to expect from the retreat

We’ll be staying in self-catering lodges by the side of the Lake of Menteith – local campsites, B&Bs and hotels are available for day guests. Meetings will be in a light and airy conservatory, with views of the surrounding hills. There will be talks morning and afternoon, with a lunch break for relaxing, walking, swimming in the lake and enjoying the hot tub. There is also the opportunity to relax with us during the evenings, or spend some peaceful time alone.

We are likely to do one shared evening meal together (probably on the Friday)

Schedule

  • Friday 26th – Being clear about who we are not (meet at 1pm, for our first talk in a local hotel.)
  • Saturday 27th – Understanding deeply who we are
  • Sunday 28th – Living this understanding
  • Monday 29th – Open discussion and Q&A in the hotel (finish at 1pm).

non duality retreat

Pricing and Accommodation options

  • Self Catered Double for one person £650
  • Self Catered Double for two people £1000
  • Self Catered Single bed in a shared twin room £550
  • Day guests (local or book your own B&B) £400

Please note that accommodation options are on a first come first served basis.

The rooms will be within a shared log cabin or coach house.  Follow the links to see pictures and descriptions.

I’m interested – what should I do?

There are only around 10 spaces available, so deposits are a must.  The payment plan is as follows:

  • £200 deposit to secure your spot (non-refundable if you cancel).
  • Second instalment of £200 due in November.
  • Final payment due in December.

Please contact me directly to express your interest, through my usual contact channels.  Alternatively, you can pay your deposit online to secure your spot right away with this link.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

The post Scotland Retreat – April 26th-29th 2019 appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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