Butterfly Effect Coaching https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk Butterfly Effect Coaching is a Business Coach, provides Executive Coaching and Personal Coaching Thu, 16 May 2019 14:11:15 +0000 en-GB hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.2.1 Non-Duality Retreat – Oct 11th-14th 2019 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/non-duality-retreat-oct-2019-england Wed, 15 May 2019 15:07:52 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=4072 The post Non-Duality Retreat – Oct 11th-14th 2019 appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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Non-Duality Retreat – Oct 11th-14th 2019

                                          Explore the mystery…

Following a wonderful Non-Duality retreat in Scotland, run along with my colleagues Sara Priestley & Ali Scott, we’re pleased to be offering our next relaxing, immersive and eye-opening experience for those who wish to deepen their understanding of our true nature.  This time in the English Countryside, it’s a chance to leave everything behind for a few days and share a conversation on a uniquely different perspective of life, that unites us all and relieves us of the idea that we are separate and isolated.

The venue for the retreat is to be confirmed, but it will be within 100 miles of London.  We are offering a bonus to those who dare to take the plunge and book in before the venue is announced. 

The last retreat provided a fantastic opportunity to hear more on non-duality from 3 very different teachers and explore this understanding in a supportive group setting. This one promises the same.  There will be lots of opportunities to ask the questions that you’ve always wanted to, make new friends and to enjoy the beautiful surroundings.

Your Hosts

Ali Scott shares this understanding through her coaching, speaking and writing, often working with parents. She tenaciously points to true nature with a fierce love.

Vicky Kelly is often found working with the Business Community. She blends a clear understanding and love for truth with gentleness and good humour.

Published poet Sara Priestly teaches coaches and anyone looking to explore this understanding further. She has an incredible way with words, and always resolutely points back to who we are.

What to expect from the retreat

We’ll be staying in self-catering accommodation somewhere in the English Countryside.  The plan is for all guests to have their own room for downtime and reflection, however, if you are more than happy to share, or wish to attend as a couple, please let us know. Meetings will be in a relaxed living area. There will be talks morning and afternoon, with a lunch break for relaxing, walking, chatting with new friends and enjoying the countryside. There is also the opportunity to relax with us during the evenings, or spend some peaceful time alone.

We are likely to do one shared evening meal together (probably on the Friday)

Schedule

  • Friday 11th – Start at 1pm
  • Saturday 12th – 9am – 12pm meeting and 3pm – 6pm.
  • Sunday 13th – Same timings as Saturday
  • Monday 14th – Clear out of bedrooms, then 9.30 – 12.30pm final meeting (finish at 1pm).

 

Non duality retreat england

Pricing and Accommodation options

  • Self Catered Double for one person £650
  • Self Catered Double for two people £1000

Please note that accommodation options are on a first come first served basis.

Bonus – for those who sign up before the accommodation is confirmed, there will be 3 x 1hr zoom calls between when you sign up and the retreat.  One with each of your hosts.

I want to come – what should I do?

There are only around 10 spaces available, so deposits are a must.  The payment plan is as follows:

  • £250 deposit per person to secure your spot (non-refundable if you cancel).
  • £200 instalment due end July
  • Final payment due end Aug.

Please contact me directly to express your interest, through my usual contact channels.  Alternatively, you can pay your deposit online to secure your spot right away with this link.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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Stand in Truth https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/stand-in-truth Fri, 03 May 2019 12:46:36 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=3973 The post Stand in Truth appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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Do you play small, for fear of appearing superior?

Do you spend time trying to look right, sound right and do the right thing, in order to ‘fit in’?

Do you hide your light, because it’s so bright it scares you?              

Do you chase success, relationship goals and perfect hair because you’re worried about being seen to not be good enough?

Do you ever do anything that doesn’t feel like it’s genuinely “you”?

If you can say ”yes” to any of these questions, that’s perfectly natural.  We’re conditioned to see ourselves as separate and comparable.  To fear judgement and condemnation.  But what happens when we live from that perspective?  It doesn’t matter what we do or achieve, a yearning remains.  A gentle pull, tugging at the back of somewhere, letting us know that something isn’t quite right about all this.  That yearning is the truth of who we are, gently nudging for attention.  Not letting us totally forget that we have never been separate.  That we can never be found to be lacking, or too much.  Not at the level that matters.

It can be scary, to listen to that call.  The call to stand in truth.  For fear of the unknown.  The ego vies for our attention, warning us that it’s not safe to shine our light that brightly.  To let go of its shackles and limitations.  To see ourselves as much more than we’ve come to think of ourselves as being.  Because what happens when we do? 

The answer is we realise we’re home.  We find the source of all that we are.  Courage, power, love, peace and security.  It’s found in stepping into the Awareness of who we are.  Not in chasing it in the outside world.  We begin the endless quest to gently peel back the layers of the ego and find our authentic truth.  You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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Mindfulness for Staff https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/mindfulness-for-staff Tue, 23 Apr 2019 15:49:49 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=3912 Mindfulness – the buzz word of staff wellbeing, but how easy is it to achieve?!

The idea makes sense, but how easy is it in practice to divert your busy mind to exclusively concentrate on one thing?

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Mindfulness – the buzzword of staff wellbeing, but how easy is it to achieve?!

The idea makes sense, but how easy is it, in practice, to divert your busy mind to exclusively concentrate on one thing?

mindfulness for staff

In my experience, mindfulness is not often achieved on purpose.  Almost as though, the harder we try to reach that desirable state of calm focus, the more our minds resist and throw at us all the other things we should be thinking of (including what might happen next in that boxset you’re currently binging and the lyrics to that Alanis Morrisette tune you haven’t heard for at least 8 years).  However, when you aren’t trying, you suddenly realise how engrossed you have been in the colour of the leaves on the trees you’re walking past – or how the last hour has just whizzed past without a single thought appearing to take hold, as you were just in flow with the activity you were doing.

If you’re lucky, sometimes, when trying to be mindful, you may experience mindfulness.  But I’d very surprised if it happens every single time.

Mindfulness, like meditation, has been come to be considered as an activity when it actually describes a state.  Funnily enough, they both describe the same state.  The state of the “Ego” having dropped away and a oneness (lack of separation) with whatever is at hand being experienced.  This is the most natural and normal state and it doesn’t require any effort to experience it.  However, it does appear as though understanding the Ego/alternative can help.

As implied in the Rumi quote “your task is not to seek for love, but to find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it” – the same can be said for finding that state of mindfulness.  It’s understanding what stops us from experiencing mindfulness or meditation that can take us there.  Rather than seeking that state.  

focused mindful at work

I have written numerous blog posts on the Ego, which I’d like to invite you to browse.  However, to tie up this article nicely, and to make it work related, I’d simply describe it as the following:

The Ego is the part of us that believes that things need to be a certain way in order for us to be okay.  So it is always on the look-out for things that appear urgent, important or both.  Often with additional commentary on the potential consequences that could arise, if these urgent and important matters are not dealt with in a prompt and effective manner.  In the workplace, these are very easy to find.

The truth is that we are always okay, but the Ego has us operating with fear of consequences snapping at our heels.  We might get things done, and it might even appear as if we’re organised – but is it really how we want to live and work?  Or would we rather be able to acknowledge situations as they are, acknowledge that we are still okay and see that the situation is providing an opportunity to learn and grow – then go about whatever needs to be done from that perspective?

Have a look around your workplace.  How many people are caught up with a mind full of things that could go wrong, versus how many deeply know that they are okay.  Is this a switch you’d like to see in your company?  Rather than encouraging the activities of mindfulness and meditation, how would you like to provide the understanding that allows it to happen naturally?

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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Always thinking about work? https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/always-thinking-about-work Fri, 12 Apr 2019 16:38:24 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=3861 The post Always thinking about work? appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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Does your mind churn, every evening, overnight, at the weekends? Always thinking about work. What’s coming up, problems that could arise, what your colleagues/clients may think of you?

With all that on your mind, it’s reasonable to conclude that your work is very demanding, it’s really important that you don’t drop any balls and that’s why you’re always thinking about work.

What if I was to suggest that it’s not about your job or business, it’s about your ego? 

Don’t worry, I’m not implying that you are an arrogant person with an inflated sense of importance.  “Ego” is an easy term I use to describe the sense of self that believes it needs to get life right.  In society at the moment, egos are running the show.  We have 7.5 billion egos all trying to get life right, yet all with slightly different thoughts on what “right” is.  The ideas that we do hold are wobbly at best because no sooner have we achieved the thing that we thought we needed, then we’ve noticed the way that someone else is doing life, and wonder if their way is more “right” than ours.   Or, we just go into a state of fear over losing whatever condition we’ve acquired!

It’s a bit of a cosmic joke really.  The idea that our security and sense of being “good enough” can come from a set of conditions – which are, by their nature, insecure.  These conditions can pass at any time.  No matter how hard we work, or how vigilant we are. 

That doesn’t mean that we need to live in fear of losing them (which is often what is happening for someone who is always thinking about work and finds it difficult to switch their mind off when they aren’t at work).  What it does mean is that, if we want to feel secure, we need to look to something other than our conditions. 

But to what?

I encourage my clients to look to what is permanent.  The sense of self which isn’t attached to anything, not even the body.  We’ve all experienced this – the awareness of self, without the awareness of our body – then we are suddenly surprised at how far we’ve driven, or how we managed to make that cup of tea while daydreaming about the weekend.  And then we’re back, believing that the body is who we are.

This is because our conditioning taught us that sense of self comes from within the body.  When we believe that, we believe ourselves to be a separate ego that needs to get life right.  But there is no right.  And chasing a non-existent right makes it so hard to switch off.  So this can’t be the way to live.  Surely there has to be another way.

There is.  It’s found in the transformational paradigm shift that I share with my clients.  Stop seeing yourself as the Ego, and start seeing yourself as the sense of being that is always present.  There’s more to it than that of course, but can you just imagine how you’d feel if you didn’t believe that there was a “right” way to get life?

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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The Joy of Not Getting What You Want https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/the-joy-of-not-getting-what-you-want Fri, 05 Apr 2019 10:01:40 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=3829 The post The Joy of Not Getting What You Want appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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How mundane it would be, if everything you wanted just popped into your life, with ease, every time.

I often write articles about how we don’t need anything to be a particular way, for us to experience happiness.  There aren’t a binary set of conditions that if we had, we’d feel good all the time.  Or another set of conditions that if we had, we’d feel bad all the time.   The idea that we need any particular conditions at all is an illusion which has us chasing our tails and constantly seeking happiness that is always just slightly out of reach.  It doesn’t seem to matter what we get, we’ll always be able to come up with more things that we want.  So every circumstance achieved can be met with a “now what?” as we near enough immediately move our attention onto the next thing we think we should have.

So when we get this, when we can see that need/conditionality is an illusion, we get to play with it!  We get to see that it doesn’t matter whether or not we actually get what we want.  In fact, there is a certain JOY in not getting what we want.

You see, when we don’t get what we want all the time, we appreciate life differently.

If there’s a condition or circumstance that remains elusively out of reach, knowing that you are okay whether you get there or not, you get to play with the experience.  To find out how you show up and what creative approaches you’ll take.  The apparent failure becomes a means through which you can express your True Nature.  You find a richness in the journey, rather than everything being about the end result.  You notice other things along the way that may be interesting to explore; like new hobbies, fermenting foods, or a sudden interest in your neighbours’ camelia plant you can see out of your window.

Perhaps your fascination turns to the journey inwards.  Into exploring the questions “Who is the me that wants this experience?” or “What is the real source of the fulfilment I’m seeking in this experience?”  (The answers to these questions are featured in a video I’ll be releasing soon).

The exploration of these questions has been my most fascinating adventure to date.  I’m grateful for all the things I want that I haven’t got, for helping me to see the real source of joy.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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You Already See True Nature https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/you-already-see-true-nature Mon, 25 Mar 2019 15:18:32 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=3735 The post You Already See True Nature appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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Another blog post in the ‘Beginners guide to true nature’ series.

I find myself being very gentle in my sharing. Whether writing, speaking or coaching 121. Taking my clients on a journey from the way they are taught to see something, to a fundamentally different understanding.  Yet, when we get there, it’s never a surprise.  It’s the most normal shift.  So while the concepts and ideas that my colleagues and I share are counter our culture’s conditioning, they are profoundly normal and recognisable, when you give them a moment to settle in.

Here are a few that you’ll recognise:

I am not my body

You’ve had the experience of walking or driving along, attention on many things other than the walking or driving, yet the body still gets where it’s going. It doesn’t trip up, fall down, stop moving, crash the car. It doesn’t require effort from you to keep it on its path. But the sense of you was not with your body and didn’t need to be. Why? Because your true nature is not limited to your body.

We share a being

You’ve had the experience of some impulse making you look up, only to catch the eye of a person you’ve never seen before. You smile warmly at one another in recognition. Or maybe you feel drawn to make physical contact with others (humans and animals) touching the arm, a hug. We limit whom we contact to those it is socially recognised as being appropriate to touch, but even a hug from a stranger can feel like home. Why?  Because the being we share is recognising itself in others.

I am not separate

Have you ever dreamt of an experience and then it happened?  Or thought of a person then they get in touch. Have you ever felt elation or sadness on behalf of an apparent stranger?  Or put the needs of someone else before your own needs. Have you ever felt the pleasure of giving or of helping someone else?  Could that be because there is no separation between us and others?

I am whole and complete already

Have you ever woken up in the morning, blissful and peaceful, before conditioned thought returned of what appeared to need your attention? Perhaps you’ve had the experience of something “going wrong” only to notice a deep sense of peace underlying everything. Or you’ve noticed how, even when you feel terrible, these terrible feelings are not consistent. They are interspersed with calm feelings, with happiness or a sense of okayness.  Could it be that your true nature is not the body and mind and therefore you are able to feel complete, regardless of the circumstance your body/mind finds itself in? 

There is something bigger than me at play.

Whether you are religious, spiritual, agnostic, atheist etc., everyone has some sense of these being something else. Something unexplainable.  It may only be the tiniest background feeling. It’s this belief that drives superstitious behaviour, wishing for good luck, praying to whomever or whatever. Even wondering how things turned out the way they did, or marvelling at the supreme intelligence of nature.  All of these behaviours and thought patterns are a recognition that the body-mind is not in control of their circumstances.

I am the Knower and the Known

You’ve looked into the eyes of a baby, person or animal and felt an uncanny feeling that they know everything there is to know about you.  Or you’ve sensed the impossibility of anything existing separate to you knowing it.  The you that is doing the knowing and being known isn’t the separate person you think yourself to be.  It’s the You that you really are.  The Knower and the Known.

Summary – You already know this

This article is important.  It points us back to knowing that we already know.  That there isn’t anywhere to get to.  That there isn’t anyone else who is more spiritual than you are, and that you don’t need to do anything in order to be more awake.  It points to the fact that this is something you know, and have always known.  Sure, from time to time you forget that you know.  The best thing about forgetting is, of course, remembering.  Maybe it takes a person or a book to point it back out to you, but you can’t remember something you didn’t already know.

For those of you who are “Yeah, but”-ing, of course, each of these things can be explained from a perspective of being separate humans.  That’s what we’ve been taught to do all our lives.  How is living, believing that we are separate humans working out for us?  Why not put your scepticism to one side for a few moments and sit in wonder at the recognition of your experience?  Wonder at what your true nature really is.

Thanks for reading. x

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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Know Yourself – Save the World https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/know-yourself-save-the-world Wed, 20 Mar 2019 15:08:37 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=3671 The post Know Yourself – Save the World appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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Emissions are soaring.  The temperature is rising.  All the plastic that has ever been produced still exists today. 

The problem is obvious, and the solutions appear to be, but there’s something in the way.

That thing is the belief that who we are is limited to our bodies. 

We’ve been brought up to look after number one, to compare ourselves to others and to get ahead.  All of this teaches the conditioning of a “separate me”.  This separate self feels isolated and vulnerable, so it seeks security through protecting and promoting itself in a world of separate others.  It values money over community and convenience over the environment.  

This separate self that struggles and strives to be okay is also known as the ego.  The needs of the ego are vast and escalating.  As the world around us progresses, there is a constant belief that we need to keep up or get trampled over.  It’s this insecurity, this belief, that has us turning a blind eye to how much waste comes as a result of our (often totally unnecessary) consumption.  It has us thinking that we can’t make a difference, as we aren’t in control of what power sources are used to supply our energy.  It has us believing that we need to consume the flesh and products of the hugely polluting meat and dairy industry.*

It doesn’t matter how much education we get on what this is doing to the planet, it won’t change while insecure selves that believe they need all these things are running the show.  While “looking after number one” seems like a valid behaviour. 

It’s not all bad news.  Small groups of people around the world are learning to understand themselves differently.  To see beyond the limitations of their own body and mind, to the much bigger sense of Self that they are.  This is essential.  We can’t convince a global community to change their habits if we don’t help them to understand that they aren’t their egos.  That they aren’t limited to their bodies.  Without helping them to see that they are something much more. 

With this expanded understanding, the feelings of lack and separation that drive consumption are no longer powerful.  We see through the belief that a new pair of shoes will make us feel good, or that we need to upgrade our car, house etc, every 3 years.  With this understanding, we see that “I am” no more Vicky that I am Rajesh, Sarah or Tallulah.   I am no more 2019 than I am 2119.  Thus the only thing that makes sense is to look after the environment that sustains all of life, with every nation and every generation considered.  Because we are not separate.

*Just a few examples that popped in. By no means, an exhaustive list and I am not claiming to be eco-perfect myself.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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The Source of Stress is Misunderstanding https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/stress-misunderstanding Tue, 12 Mar 2019 18:52:39 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=3648 The post The Source of Stress is Misunderstanding appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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And the absence of stress comes from a change in understanding, not from changed behaviours or conditions.

The Misunderstanding

Like love, true wellbeing is unconditional.  Yet when it comes to both love and wellbeing, society has taught us to expect certain conditions.  We’ve been taught how much sleep we need, how many hours of work are acceptable, what sort of levels of pressure we can manage before we start to feel stressed.  Yet we’ve all been okay with less sleep and more work than the recommended amounts, we’ve all experienced thriving under pressure, as well as feeling anxious with nothing to do. 

But the conditioning is strong, so we believe it.

If we believe that we need our conditions to be a certain way to prevent stress, then we will feel stressed about meeting this requirement!  We’ll feel stressed about maintaining the right conditions if we already have them, or stressed that we don’t have these perceived ideal conditions if they are lacking.

It all boils down to the misunderstanding that “I need _____________ (fill in the blank) in order for me to be okay”.  You don’t.  And even if you could get the thing that it looks like you need, you’d soon notice something else that’s lacking, and you’d pin your wellbeing to that instead.

Stress is not the result of conditions.  Stress is the condition of believing that your wellbeing is attached to the circumstances of your life.  This is the misunderstanding.

Absence of Stress

In the absence of the misunderstanding, stress is not experienced.  When we aren’t looking in the wrong direction, we find well-being is the essence that pervades.  Why is this the case?

Because Who We Are is already whole.  Who We Are isn’t the ego with its wants and needs.  It’s the Sense of Being that is present in all experience.  This Sense of Being does not have a preference.  It doesn’t have expectations or agendas.  It doesn’t believe that there is a right or wrong way for things to be.  Who We Are does not need anything.  Not even meditation, yoga or a grounding mat.

This is what I show my clients.  I show them that Who They Are is the Sense of Being that is always there.  When we look away from the beliefs of the ego, claiming how things ought to be, we can see that we are not this ego.  We do not need to protect and promote ourselves.  We aren’t even separate/isolated.  We are pure Awareness.  The One Awareness within which everything exists.

Know Who You Are

If you want to resolve stress, knowing Who You Are is the only thing you need on your to-do list. Without this understanding, nothing else helps anyway. Know that you aren’t your ego. Know that you don’t need to be protected or promoted. Know that Who You Are can never not be okay. This is all you need to do. Know yourself.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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Experiment with letting go https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/experiment-with-letting-go Tue, 05 Mar 2019 15:54:22 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=3605 The post Experiment with letting go appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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What if we’re not this body?

What if we’re not this idea of a separate self called <insert your name>?  What if who we really are is the awareness of the experience of <insert your name>?  What would that mean?!

It would be that <insert your name> can let go.  He or she can stop strategising and agonising.  Stop worrying and chasing.  Instead, opening up, expanding into the space where you can flow with what feels good and right in the moment.  Flow with an open heart, without fears and limits.  Knowing that you aren’t <insert your name> so there is no way that anything could happen to <insert your name> that would be any kind of problem.

If you were playing the part of a character in a film, you’d flow with the script, going where it takes your character.  It would be nonsensical to do anything else.

What if that’s how life is meant to be lived?  Instead of restricted, personal-agenda based behaviour; letting go and flowing with the script.  Being open to the guidance of the director, of the great awareness that guides your behaviours to the things that make sense to do?  Instead of affirmations, expectations and divided loyalties; being outcome-free. 

Just in it for the journey.  The experience.  The experiment.

The experiment in letting go.  Join me?

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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An Anxiety Case Study https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/blog/an-anxiety-case-study Mon, 25 Feb 2019 19:45:06 +0000 https://www.butterflyeffectcoaching.co.uk/?p=3558 The post An Anxiety Case Study appeared first on Butterfly Effect Coaching.

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This understanding of life can have implications for those experiencing anxiety.

With kind permission from Bradley, I’m sharing his story about how our work together has made a significant difference to his anxiety.

When Bradley came to see me, his initial thought was that he needed me to help him with his business.  At the time, the business appeared to him to be the cause of the anxiety.  He told me how it was always on his mind.  How anxious he felt about what he ought to be doing.  During family time and on holiday, the business would be on his mind and a feeling of sickness would be in his stomach.  He felt as though he wasn’t able to be ‘present’ with his family, because there was always something to be worrying about.

While we have discussed his business many times, that wasn’t how we started off our coaching relationship.  Instead, we discussed a very different way of understanding life.

Inner peace and anxiety

Fortunately, Bradley was open to the direction our conversation took and his understanding shifted.  He uncovered the realisation that the feelings he experienced weren’t directly linked to the circumstances of his life, and thus he started to become free of those feelings.  He also began to understand that changing the circumstances wasn’t the answer.  It’s not possible to secure a feeling in something external because that thing is insecure. We don’t have control over life’s events, and believing that we should is a source of suffering.  As his understanding of these things shifted, he began to notice a calmness that pervaded in the background of all situations.  Even the most challenging. 

The understanding he’s taken on board has been life-changing for him.  He no longer spends all of his time stressing and worrying about his business.  When he is with his family, he is able to be fully present with them.  Holidays are now a joyful time to be treasured. 

These changes haven’t happened because his business is different.  It’s changed because he now knows that regardless of what is going on in his business, or his life; fundamentally, he is okay.  Who he really is cannot be damaged by circumstances, so it doesn’t need to be vigilantly protected.  With this realisation, the anxiety he’d previously experienced just doesn’t have the hold it used to.

I was talking with Bradley recently about the various challenges that he had undergone in the last month.  He’d had a really hard time, with some extremely serious stuff.  Both in his work and home life.  The kind of circumstances you wouldn’t wish on anyone.  I was overjoyed when he reported that, even though there was nothing pleasant about those circumstances, he came through each one knowing he was okay.  In the past, he would have experience incredible anxiety, sickness, anger etc.  Nowadays he feels different.  Anxious feelings do pop up from time to time, but when they do, they pass quickly.

Bradley acknowledged that he didn’t have to do anything to feel better while these recent circumstances unfolded.  He just knew deeply, that who he is is okay. 

That’s what I love about the work that I do.  There is no strategy to follow, no steps to take.  Just something to understand and know.  For some, their strategy for preventing anxiety may involve avoiding certain things.  The nature of Bradley’s life means that there are difficult circumstances that cannot be avoided.  And he now takes these moments in his stride.

If you are experiencing anxiety, there is a belief of ‘not-okayness’ present.  I can help you to see life from a different, rather startling perspective, that brings this idea of ‘not-okayness’ into question.  From there, anxiety just can’t have the same grip it had before.  That doesn’t mean that it goes away entirely, never to be experienced again.  It means that the experience of it is less of a struggle and usually much shorter lived.  The desire to be free of the anxiety (which causes the suffering) isn’t as strong and the whole experience is more like a small bump in the road, than an insurmountable obstacle.

If you’d like to know more about this, please get in touch.

Want to know more about how I can help? Drop me a line or give me a call. A successful coaching relationship depends upon a great rapport, so it’s important to talk. I want to get to know you, see inside your world and we can assess how we’d go from there!

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