Your wellbeing is always with you

Something that I have alluded to, or touched on briefly in many of my other blog posts is the notion that you are always okay.  Or that your wellbeing is always with you, regardless of circumstances.  I wanted to write another article to expand upon what is meant by this, as I have no doubt that some people may question these statements when they see them.

It’s natural to question these statements, because we have been brought up in a world where we believe that our wellbeing is connected to external events and circumstances, and that our emotions are an indicator of whether we are okay or not.  If you’re feeling happy and peaceful, you’re okay.  If you’re sad or anxious, you’re not okay and you really need to do something about that pronto.

The reality is that it’s the natural human experience to flow between different emotions and to experience states of happiness and sadness, of peace and of anxiety.  To try to resist this is futile.  To try to resist this causes more suffering.  From the moment when we are born, any moment of sadness is met with an adult’s desire to sort it out for us.  As we start to get older we learn to understand the questions they ask as to why we are upset, as they point us in the direction of external circumstances that they believe may be the causing factor.  What if they’d pointed us in a different direction?  What’s if they’d said.  “Oh darling, it’s okay to feel upset, that’s perfectly normal.  It will pass again soon”.  Which is what they would say if they took us to the beach and saw us looking concerned that the tide was going out.  “That’s okay darling, the tide is meant to do that.  It will be back again soon”.

The adults are innocent in this.  They were brought up with the same misunderstanding, and also believe that wellbeing comes from the outside, or that wellbeing is an Outside-In job.

The understanding that I teach my clients challenges this misconception, and encourages them (and you) to consider for a minute that this might not be the case.  That maybe their wellbeing comes from the inside.  Sometimes this is misinterpreted as meaning that it’s all on you.  You are responsible for your emotions and should just make yourself happy/get over it/think better thoughts…

That’s not what I’m saying at all.  I’m saying that the way we feel comes from the ebb and flow of our emotions.  Sometimes we’ll feel good, sometimes we’ll feel bad.  Both are totally okay.  Both are totally normal.  What I’m actually saying is that regardless of how you are feeling and how you are perceiving life, before all of that you are always okay.  You are innately well.  Innately happy, loving and peaceful.  Sometimes we don’t see this and get caught up in ideas that things need to be a certain way in order for us to be okay.  However if that was true then we would remain consistently unhappy until the thing changed, wouldn’t we?

I am certain that everyone of us has had the experience of something ‘bad’ happening and feeling totally okay despite this.  Maybe not immediately. Maybe the feeling of okayness came and went, ebbed and flowed over time.  For me, some of my calmest, most peaceful moments have been at ‘bad’ times.  My dog being put to sleep, losing a job, a relationship breaking down.  In each of these moments I have known some of the deepest feelings of peace.  It seems to me that happened because in the moment that I lost the thing that I thought gave me happiness and security, I found out that it didn’t and I was actually okay all along.  So when it happened I felt the peace of knowing that.

Equally, we have all had times when we’ve been in what would be considered ‘good’ circumstances, but still felt bad.  Maybe not 100% of the time, but good and bad feelings came and went despite the circumstances being the same.  For instance, at times when we have a great job, or a wonderful partner. Maybe we’re having a really good hair day, have plenty of money, are spending time on holiday. Or maybe we’re at a music festival surrounded by friends. In these ‘good’ circumstances, we can still experience feeling ‘bad’. This happens, because despite the circumstances, our emotions ebb and flow.  Maybe we bought into fear about losing this experience, or worried about what people thought of us (which we cannot know or control!)

Any dips in our emotions are perfectly normal, and they self correct.  Our wellbeing is always with us.  Beneath any feelings of sadness and anxiety, there is always an okayness that is watching this unfold.

That’s what I’m referring to…